22/07/2013
Job search got you down? To help lighten your mood, below are amusing (accidental, in most cases) comments that were actually written by job applicants during their searches for employment.
In a cover letter:
“Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.”
“Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job.”
“My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I have no training in Meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.”
“I demand a salary commiserate with my expensive experience.”
In a resume:
“I was working for my Mom until she decided to move.”
“Marital status: Single, Unmarried, Unengaged, Uninvolved, No Commitments.”
“Note: Please don’t misconstrue my 14 jobs as ‘job-hopping.’ I have never quit a job.”
“Marital status: often. Children: various.”
“Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 am every morning. I couldn’t work under those conditions.”
Assorted tidbits people put under a “Personal” heading
(almost never a good idea, by the way):
“Donating blood – 14 gallons so far.”
One job applicant had a heading called “Pet Peeves” which included such things as
“lazy workers, know-it-alls, spicy foods, etc.”
Small typos can change the meaning:
“Education: College, August 1880-May 1984″
“Develop and recommend an annual operating expense fudget.”
“I’m a rabid typist.”
“Instrumental in ruining an entire operation for a Midwest chain operation.”
“As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments.”
“Received a plaque for Salesperson of the Year.”
From performance evaluations:
“Since my last report this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.”
“I would not allow this employee to breed.”
“Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.”
“This young lady has delusions of adequacy.”
“This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.”
