Claire the Humanist

07/09/2026

I'm sorry, Mari and Craig.

I'm sorry that photo of you in the car and Claire Diggins 🤣 trying not to get run over by the car is a bit of a lighting horror show.

I'm sorry I knocked over your wh**ky with my b**b.

I'm sorry that the ghosts of Coats Memorial Church were audibly horrified at most of the tales we told (although the groans may actually just have been at that one awful awful pun I made about missing a bus and catching a Lawrie. Sorry about that).

Also sorry I don't understand the rules of rock paper scissors. I know! It's simple, isn't it? Not to me. Probably a terrible idea to pick your new surname via the medium of a game I don't get so you can take the flack for that one.

Other than that, I think it went fine. Everyone seemed quite jolly. It was very special to be hauled out again for one of my favourite families. Hope the Venom Slushies landed as well as anticipated ❤️

04/08/2026

🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊

Flora got FIVE A's in her Highers and I'm exploiting her success for the 'gram ❤️

MATHS - A
ENGLISH - A
CHEMISTRY - A
PHYSICS - A
MODERN STUDIES - A

She's the best. Winner winner expensive noodles dinner!

🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊

30/07/2026

My ode to Napoli

🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️

Napoli

You're so hot, my gingersnapoli
Your bins are overly flytrapoli
And you are in quite rough shapoli
But...
Your pizzas are cheapoli
we avoided mishapoli
And now i've finally unstuck my flapoli
we would revist most happoli

🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️

(still on hols. Just not in the hottest city on the planet)

22/07/2026

You're CEO material, right? Come join us!

Join our team! 📣 We're delighted to invite applications for the role of Chief Executive of Humanist Society Scotland.

This is a unique opportunity to lead an organisation that truly punches above its weight. We are a member-powered organisation campaigning to make Scotland a more secular, rational, and socially just country - from assisted dying to LGBT+ rights and much more. We are Scotland’s original and biggest provider of humanist ceremonies, having conducted the first legal humanist marriage in Scotland in 2005 and the first ever legal same-sex marriage in 2014. Our dedicated celebrant community conduct thousands of humanist weddings, civil partnerships, funerals and naming ceremonies every year.

As Chief Executive, you’ll help us support our celebrants, volunteers and members, to strengthen our campaigning voice, and shape the next chapter for humanism in Scotland. If you’re an inspiring leader who shares our values and our ambition, we’d love to hear from you!

Interested? Find out more and apply online (link in comments 👇️)

Closing date for applications is Sunday 16th August 2026 📅

01/07/2026

Yesterday, I was asked who my favourite couples are to marry. Short answer? People who don't tell me what to do. I'm trying to do better* but I'm a fragrantly belligerent work in progress.

Slightly more user-friendly version is clever girls and charming boys (in whatever soft-hearted combination they like) who trust me to do my job. 

Hello Lucy and Ruaridh ❤️

To be fair, L&R didn't have much of a choice cos when I first spoke to them they were living in Sri Lanka. Nice huh? Mainly sea turtles and beach parties, occasional rascally rats rattling round your room.

They let me get on with things which explains why, in amongst their very cute surfcentric love story we touched upon: 

🌴 Cornwall's notoriously imbalanced private rental sector
🌴 Point Break, specifically Keanu Reeves in the rain, is a work of genius. Several women and one very loud man agreed 
🌴 Lucy's hot hands are massive. I really hammered that home. Just like she could with those gigantic sweaty digits 

As well as the loveliest vows, L&R drank wh**ky from R's Dad's quaich. Not sure if you can see from the photo but the inscription reads 'Allan, thanks for everything, Dave'.

Do we know what 'everything' meant? Nope. Did we speculate? Yup.

Comrie Croft was fabulous, chatting with my buddy Simon was a treat and special mention to L&R's pal, Fraser, who played THE most epic song for them to walk back up the aisle to 🪿⚰️

 


*I'm not and you can't make me

14/06/2026

Leo and Rachel got married at Barnbougle Castle. That's them there and if you swipe a little, that's the castle. It's a very grand building with many interesting things in it.

I'm still not entirely sure how I ended up somewhere so fancy but if I'm there, I might as well slag Leo off for being a bit intense and then refer to him as the 'unwanted Englishman with the gimpy leg'. It's fine. I'm allowed to slag him off. He's just claimed the Royal Canadian Air Force tartan as his own because it's pretty much West Ham colours, innit?!

Very fun day, very gracious couple 🤣 and an excellent BTS squad including the bold and beautiful

02/06/2026

NERD ASBO!

I always assumed my happy place was a table in the window of a sweet-smelling bookshop by the coast. Standard yes?

Turns out, it's telling wild stories to beautiful people in a very hot pub in Leith.

The latest installment of NERD ASBO (Nuptials of Edinburgh Roller Derby and Adjacent Super Bearded 'Omosexuals) was an absolute cracker. There were familiar faces, charming ginger babies 😍, groans of horror, roars of delight, delightful euphemisms, glitter for days...

It was an amazing afternoon filled with extraordinary energy. Kerri and Inma are very lucky gals. There was a lot of love for them in the Brass Monkey, so much that I'm confident some of it spilled out of the Brass Monkey and into the Big Outside World and we're all better for it.

Me? Knackered. I had to lie down on the tram back to Parentals Digance. Not advised.

Previous NERD ASBO alumni include the OGs, Katie & Marc, the bearded beauties, Jim & Jordan and look! It's guests at the wedding, Kate & Lex, the cheeriest faces to land on mid-informative ramble about Queen Charlotte of Mecklenburg-Strelitz. Yep. She popped up. Obvs.

Btw, Kerri and Inma decided to get married, found out when I was free, booked their wedding accordingly. You can definitely do that too. Five months all in and the Irish contingent were there and the Spanish lot were there and it's easier than you think (says the girl that did not do any of the organising).

30/05/2026

Day Infinity, favourite symbolic gesture.

If you want to drink your favourite shot from your quaich, wire in. Be warned, a sober 2pm sambuca is a very powerful reminder as to why we drink such things already hammered. Great content though.

If you'd rather drink an unholy mix of Czech b**r and Ardbeg wh**ky from a silver cup that belonged to your much missed Grampa, I'll encourage you to drink deep and laugh at the photos (but forget to take any of my own so enjoy a pic of their planner, Gemma from .weddings)

Alternatively, if you feel like subverting tradition and poking fun at the patriarchy, have your mums and brothers pour glitter in your quaich for you to mix together and daub on each other's faces instead of exchanging rings. Definitely do it. It will be a lot of fun and it will go everywhere but we'll all love it cos there's nothing gayer than glitter, right?

The important thing is it's your idea, not mine. If it has meaning and significance, if it's fun or sentimental then it's an excellent addition to your ceremony. If not, it's not. Cheers!

23/05/2026

Day 23. Best feedback.

Ngl, my feedback is usually prrrreeeeettttty sweet. Feel free to add some more on my Google reviews, it's always appreciated and helps me stand out in the currently jam packed terracotta celebrant army. Niche description but basically too many.

I do enjoy a steady stream of unhinged conversations post ceremony though. All true. Enjoy.