21/04/2026
Today, I woke up in a jolt from a bad dream, sweating, gasping for air, on the verge of breaking down.
The dream (or perhaps, nightmare might I say?), waking up old in my bed and feeling dissatisfied with the life I've lived. The feeling of my stomach dropping, heart aching and mind running so frantically with the sadness of not having "lived in alignment".
I think every now and then, we are meant to shed parts of ourselves in order to grow. Easy right? Just drop parts of your entire identity that you've spent years shaping, moulding, creating just so you felt like you had a purpose. And one day, you wake up and just don't... fit. The life you so wonderfully created and identity you carefully built can all come shattering the second you've outgrown the version of yourself that doesn't serve you anymore β with all its lessons and blessings.
This was a beautiful memory [Sep 2023] that Google Photos reminded me of, where I genuinely felt my ego dissolve. I still remember the feeling of being surrounded by the majestic mountains, watching the sun rise yet again, having puppies seek shelter in my warmth and fall asleep in my embrace. Oh to feel so one with the universe irrespective of the plans ahead.
I think at the end of the day, we're all a little lost, seeking purpose and meaning from this journey we call life, but we're so afraid of letting go of what we've built up of ourselves. Today, I consider that nightmare a 'download', a reminder, a push to fix the cracks, before filling the cup. Letting go also means shedding all the lies we tell ourselves in order to stay comfortable and complacent. Stop lying to yourself and step into the version that you're going to meet, real soon. They're waiting, patiently. Don't make them wait too long. β₯οΈ