31/01/2025
Listening Matters
Years ago, I was working in an office in a church, and a married woman I didn’t know walked in and started sharing some of the issues she was having with me. Truth be told, I wasn’t ready to listen because I was working. I almost interrupted the woman to tell her I didn’t have the time. But I didn’t. For some reason I don’t know, I listened to her story.
About seven minutes later, the woman stopped, looked at me, smiled, and said, “Thank you, brother. You are a good listener. God bless you.” Then she left. I did not address the issues she shared with me. She felt heard. She was dying to be heard—by her husband.
Genuine conversation involves listening—a lot of listening—and talking. You can hear someone talk, but you cannot truly listen without paying attention. People can tell you quite a lot if you really listen. It seems that if a person is speaking and you are listening, she is not just talking; she is articulating, exploring, and organizing her thoughts. In the process, she herself talking, or you the listener, or both of you, can have a revelation. This revelation can be helpful in fixing the issue. This is probably the process that helps in therapy.
Listening is not just about hearing words; it is about being present with another person. When someone is deeply listened to, they feel valued, respected, and understood. This feeling alone can provide immense psychological relief. People carry burdens they may not even know they have until they begin to speak. A good listener creates a safe space where these burdens can be brought to light, examined, and in many cases, lessened.
When people feel unheard, frustration, loneliness, and emotional distress increase. Many conflicts in relationships, workplaces, and even society stem from the lack of genuine listening. A husband does not listen to his wife. A friend dismisses another’s concerns. A leader ignores the voices of his people. In such environments, resentment grows. But when people feel truly heard, healing begins.