09/08/2024
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Welcome to Sh*ttsburgh 2.0!
In the meantime, here's an edited version of what was posted on the new page:
Mayor Ed Gainey: Pittsburgh's Very Own "Epic Fail" Reality Show
Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the ongoing saga of Mayor Ed Gainey, a.k.a. “Big Ed,” and his quest to become the undisputed champion of How Not to Run a City. Just when you thought “Bike Lane Bill” had set the bar for questionable leadership, Ed comes in like, “Hold my Primanti’s sandwich, I can top that!”
Remember when Ed promised to clean up the city on Day One? Ah, the sweet innocence of those days. Fast forward to today, and Pittsburgh’s dirtier than the Rivers Casino parking lot after a Kenny Chesney concert. Honestly, at this point, a mop and bucket would qualify as radical policy reform. So why should we believe Ed will finally deliver on any of his promises this time around? Spoiler alert: we shouldn’t.
Instead of progress, we’ve got more homeless encampments than Steelers Super Bowl trophies (and that’s saying something). Open-air drug markets are thriving—seriously, they’re more organized than a farmer’s market. Not to mention the casual assaults happening in broad daylight, because hey, who needs the cover of night anymore? Shoutout to Marty Griffin – GET MARTY for that viral video of a guy on a bike casually firing a gun in the air at the corner of Smithfield and Sixth, at 3:45 PM, no less. Because, apparently, even crime in Pittsburgh works a 9-to-5 schedule now.
Meanwhile, retail stores are getting cleaned out by thieves like they’re hosting some kind of “Everything Must Go” event. Businesses are leaving downtown faster than someone who just realized they ordered a salad at Primanti’s. And don’t even get me started on the alleys—half of them smell like open sewers, and the other half might actually be open sewers. Public urination has become Pittsburgh’s new unofficial sport, and let’s just say it’s way more popular than pickleball.
But wait, there’s more! Let’s talk about Ed’s trusty sidekick, Laura Drogowski, who enthusiastically backed the syringe exchange program—except, oops, forgot to enforce the “exchange” part of the deal. It’s more like a “Take One, Keep One, Leave the Rest Scattered All Over the Place” program. Andy Sheehan’s been exposing this mess so many times he might as well start a daily “Syringe Watch” segment. Ed’s former spokesperson, Maria Montano, promised us sharps containers for those 1.7 million syringes that Prevention Point Pittsburgh handed out like party favors. A year later, we’re still asking, “Where are they?” Probably hanging out with Big Ed’s day-one cleaning crew—missing in action.
And in case you were wondering about law enforcement, Pittsburgh police staffing is so low, you’re on your own from 3-7 AM. That’s right, during those hours, your best bet for reporting a crime is hoping your phone’s Siri is feeling helpful. Theft? Harassment? Burglary? Just send an email or fill out an online form. Who knows, maybe you’ll get a reply by Christmas—fingers crossed!
So here we are: no plan, no vision, no leadership. It’s like the administration decided to host a citywide game of Who’s in Charge Here? Except nobody actually wants to win.
Yinzers, are you paying attention?! Do you seriously want more of this mess? Are you really thinking about pulling that same lever next election? Do what’s right for Pittsburgh—DON’T RE-ELECT BIG ED.
We started this page four years ago because all we wanted were some public restrooms downtown. Now look at us—we’re practically a full-time crime-watch group with a growing fanbase. We’re almost at 2,000 followers, and honestly, we were hoping to shut this thing down by now. But with the way things are going, we might need to invest in a Pittsburgh Apocalypse Survival Guide instead.
