The Restless Spirit- Nomadic Chronicles

06/07/2026

Here is Tom these days, albeit in a nursing home now. I was not prepared to have my dad, who I thought died years ago, come back into my life. It turns out I was definitely was not caretaker material. There was always this underlying resentment, “why am I taking care of you when you didn’t take care of me?”

But there was some grace in all of this because I got to dictate his fate for once. Most his life he refused to get clean and eventually became an actual crack user who lived on OBT.

I was never able to get him safe. So after I move overseas I cut ties.

But then he shows up in my life, leaving me in shock and also relieved. We gave it a good run, but I couldn’t mentally cope. He liked living with us, so the guilt still lingers.

The statistics for caregivers are quite grim, and many of them die from stress related diseases. My poor family put up with so much by letting him into our lives. They deserve an award for their support.

Now he’s too old to run and fight so I was able to get him into a safe living situation. All we cares about is smoking a ci******es, despite his cancer diagnosis, but that’s the way he wants to live his life.

We had some good laughs along the way through all the frustration, which I appreciate.

So now, hopefully, he rides out his last days in a warm bed, people to change him, and with prepared meals. That is way more than I could have ever hoped for.

So sometimes Pam is rough around the edges, because raising my parents was hard work. It is a reason I didn’t strive for kids. I busted my butt to build my life and to become Dr. Weiler, beating the statistics that a legacy of losers left me. Now live for the family I chose, who also chose me.

01/25/2026

Here is a rant for you bored people stuck in the snow. Please consider green energy carefully. So much of it is a SCAM or it is incredibly expensive to maintain. We learned this the hard way when we needed help getting our faulty solar panels back up and running in Texas.

Apparently in Ohio I have something called a high efficiency water boiler that heats the floor radiators. So there’s two different types of boilers and this one requires a specialized technician.

Despite me explaining my system to the many companies, not everyone in the industry understands the difference. I got the wrong repair techs for two bloody weeks.

I finally found a technician from the company who installed the stupid system. But he can’t fix it because they have to go to the manufacturer to get the part, hopefully being FedExed.

Now, why can’t I just shut off my gas and evacuate? Because the pipes will freeze and somebody has to be here for when this important delivery finally arrives.

Luckily for me, I have a section of the house that I can seal off from the rest of the house but I have to vent the main house and also keep it heated in this epic storm. The gas bill will be $$$.

Luckily have a ****load of electric heaters and a ventless heater for back up. So this is how I am living until the $2000 repair happens. If I had a normal furnace, it would’ve been fixed immediately. Don’t get me started on lithium batteries.

11/20/2025

11/20/2025

What an exciting and scary time in life. Have you ever been in a significant transitional stage? I know the leap is intimidating but sometimes you need to do it to elevate your life. Hidden behind the recesses of my cynacism and grumpiness, I want the best for humanity.

I barely write these days. But I love to reach out to people here who I will never meet. I want to ignite a spark. I want you feel inspired after a post.

These days I’m in a difficult position caring for an elderly parent full time, who I should owe nothing to; but I feel compelled to help him in his feeble age. For caretakers, this burden often leads to mental and physical health issues. I am very aware of this, always protecting me and my family.

I’m relocating my family to Ohio very far and different from the Texas life they knew. But the quality of life and education is superb. Albeit we must now learn to navigate real winters. I also assumed a new role on the board of directors for a natural fiber association.

My passion is to remove petroleum based products from our lives as much as posssible even though it’s insurmountable. Petroleum is poisoning us in our polyblend fabrics from clothes to bedding. It is in plastic eatingware and artificial dies we touch and consume. Some plastics are less toxic, but we should try to avoid it all when possible.

I will share more with you, I appreciate those very few that come across my page.g

03/28/2025

I was adopted but by a rough family, and there is a legacy of dysfunction that follows them. I distanced myself as much as possible, often using education to distinguish myself from them.

My absent father was often physically and emotionally abusive, and spent more time chasing women than he did paying attention to me. When I was young, I didn’t know how to hold a grudge and he was my dad and I was fiercely protective of him.

But as I grew older, I began to look at life differently and at 30 years old I had to accept that this was not a family that I identified with in the slightest. I made lots of strides to ensure that I did not follow in their footsteps.

The last time I saw my dad, he was a crack user living in a scary motel that was frequented by prostitutes. He was so far gone that I left an absolute dismay. He refused any treatment. When I went through my last international divorce, I completely severed ties with my dad because there was just no way I could cope with that emotional drain, transition back to the US, and deal with him.

But that decision always haunted me and it defined me as a person who is fiercely protective of my own values, sanity, and well-being. I realize I will do anything within reason to protect myself and use legal means when necessary. This often includes severing ties with people who I never wanted to lose.

I got a weird call from my mom years ago telling me something about my dad passing away. She offered no clarity, and there was no way for me to confirm this. I just assumed it was true because of the drug use; he had been in bad shape for a long time.

But this past January, I got a phone call from the hospital telling me that my father was in a critical state and asked me to intervenene. I was in shock and I stepped in, systematically cleaning up the mess that my family often leaves me. They are the reason I did not want children. I knew I did not have the energy after all they took throughout my life.

But now that I am here and seeing my frail dad for the first time in over 10 years, as I am a middle-aged parent to a stepson and a goddaughter, I am oddly grateful. I’m glad that there may be an ending to the story that I will help shape. I’m happy to know he didn’t die alone on the streets or in suffering. It is a gift for me to have this closure; and it is purely for me, not so much him.

I married someone completely opposite of him. I wish I could tell all the people who suffered under their parents, “don’t give in. If they dont give a damn, then you must.”

07/14/2024

This summer I had to do a mostly business trip that we tried to make into a family vacation. It was one of the most stressful travels I have done; being full of titanium was a true challenge.

I took my aunt’s ashes to several states, and finally reunited them to be with other family’s ashes to rest in Barnegate Light, NJ.

I got to reunite several times with my best friend in Knoxville, TN. Asheville, NC’s Blue Ridge mountains are gorgeous but full of ticks and hippies. It was my third and last trip to the Biltmore. I tried to conquer my fear of water made it into the Gulf of Mexico, a lake in TN, and a river in VA very briefly.

We went to the horse races in Louisville, KY. We drove through amazing hills and a lot of the Appalachian mountains. I think I found our next move after Texas, KY called me to it. It made no sense, but there I fell in love with it wholly.

My fur boys loved exploring hotels and jumping on the beds. There was a lot of sweating except for the best weather I’ve experienced, oddly in West Pennsylvania! Philly was not stellar but the pretzels yummy.

I had to complete an eviction in NJ for my great grandparents’ house, where I reconciled that I may lose the property. I got to see a cousin in FL. Then I met more cousins in Ohio for the first time ever!

I got the cops called on me twice trying to manage my family’s affairs because people don’t want to follow the rules. Luckily I prevailed. Then my husband got to meet my adoptive mom to learn why I am who I am.

He watched me cleaning up messes that aren’t mine, always falling on my shoulders. It was the first time in my 41 years, someone stood up for me and said enough to her! I wish someone had done that a long time ago. He is my hero and my best friend.

I also got to experience some sobering tests, asking whether I was willing to compromise who I am. Never. I’m back home to finish our move, yuck. Cram studying for my PhD 16-hour exam with my god daughter sleeping next to me. To all the restless spirits, go forth and live.

06/25/2024

My best friend and I met over twenty years ago and we still meet up. I think the biggest thing that has kept us close is the shared trauma from when we young kids, having worked for a very abusive doctor and his girlfriend for years.

I finally jumped shipped after three years of torture and she stayed behind. It got worse for her after she became a single mom. They knew she was vulnerable.

This doctor came from a culture where women are devalued, he would slap our hands if we messed up. Money was regularly used to manipulate us, whether it was withheld from us or used to reward us.

His girlfriend had a toxic relationship with her mother, and we naturally fell into a mother daughter dynamic, and we were the next in line for generational abuse. We took it too. They weren’t going to surround themselves with strong people who would stand up to them.

We are cranky middle aged women now, who can sense abuse in the air, suspicious of others’ intentions. We often reflect about that nightmare period of our youth. I wake up with PTSD, dreaming I’m trapped there at that job. We now have no room for people with toxic personalities, with that memory forever forged in our psyche.

Today I’m very strong, and I advocate for myself regularly and do humanitarian work to try to take trauma and turn it into something constructive. My advice, if you are stuck with someone that makes your life less peaceful (especially behaving only in mixed company), remove yourself and let them think you are the problem.

06/14/2023

This year I turned 40 and took my family to Florida, to see where I grew up, also to visit the springs and the parks. I am far cry from where I was when I began this blog. I was very lost.

I’m married with a house and camper. I have settled down, leaving the gypsy life in a quiet corner. Now I research and publish about my African aventures.

I actually was raised by gypsy descendants from Poland (mom’s side) and Hungary (dad’s mothers side), this explains a lot! So my fighting spirit is there if I ever need it again. These are my favorite pictures:

03/11/2023

I see more engagement on this page, which I stopped frequenting. I thought maybe I’d take a break from the grueling stair master and put some thoughts down.

I grew up in the 80s and 90s. Asian were rare and K-pop and Animae weren’t making strides in our culture. Asians aren’t exactly the most intimidating people. The amount of racism was unbelievable. But today it’s changing.

I had some conversation with people in the last week that made it known they think I’m the outsider. But it wasn’t from a bad place, they were curious.

Then on the other side of the spectrum I’ve also been told as a minority born in another country “I’m white and it’s not fair.”

We must pick our fights. The agenda pushes division. I cannot imagine where I would be if I looked to be offended. I would never be disappointed! I would never progress.

My words of advice are: What is the context?
Are you speaking to someone with limited exposure or to the President of a university? Is this person looking to offend or are they trying to connect?

When you’re feeling marginalized, remember there are examples of success around you coming in many shapes and colors. You control can control more than you may realize.

Adapt when possible, fight when it is not.