09/30/2021
Ooof, this is scary for me to share but here goes. As a 1st generation Korean-American growing up in Texas, I never really knew where I belonged. Mentally and emotionally I was always caught between two worlds. On one side, the values and perspectives I grew up with in my Korean immigrant household. And on the other side, the societal norms of being an American and the desire to fit in with everyone else. My life path felt like a constant tug of war between the vision of success my parents had hoped for me….and what I deeply felt called to do. ⠀
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Reflecting on my life up until my 20s, I struggled with two main challenges: 1⃣ I felt guilty for having my own desires and needs that diverged from my parents’ because of all that they had sacrificed. 2⃣ I was resentful of the fact my non-Asian peers had parents who helped them navigate their life and were supportive of their vision. I wondered…Why do my non-immigrant friends get to just be kids? Why do I have to shoulder the burden of responsibility for not only myself, but my family? My response to these internal struggles varied from compliance (sacrificing my own needs) to rebellion (fighting for what I want at all costs).But neither allowed me to actually just be ME.⠀
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It took years of therapy, self-reflection, and trauma healing to realize that I couldn’t expect my parents to be the source of my healing or evolution. I had to give myself PERMISSION, I had to give myself the LOVE I craved, and I had to give myself the space to unlearn my fear/guilt-based decisions in order to radically choose my OWN PATH. One rooted in who I am at my core…free from external projections, fears, and programming. ⠀
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And after over 30+ years of healing, I realize that this work needs to happen on a community level…the community of Asian women. No more “figuring s**t out” on our own…no more bootstrapping our healing within a system that wasn’t meant for us. I’ve been mulling over this for over a year (!), but I’m being called to serve more Asian women directly…to heal our generational trauma, to dismantle toxic patterns showing up in life/career, and move towards more self-acceptance, compassion, and JOY in our lives. And for those Asian women already on the path to healing….I’d love to hear your story! How has your path to healing been going so far? Has it ever felt lonely at times? Do you struggle to be fully seen on this journey?