11/16/2022
On November 16, 2021 I was sexually assaulted. It was a super stressful week and I thought I’d grab a quick drink with a man I had met on a dating app. Sexual assault often doesn’t look like a stranger holding a gun to your head in a dark alley. It can look like a person you’ve recently met, in broad daylight, in a public place, that doesn’t stop when you say no.
I agonized over whether or not to report the crime. What if they don’t believe me? What if we can’t prove this? Melbourne PD reassured me that it’s their job to do the investigation, not mine. They took my statement after I finished crying my eyes out. That night they had me wear a wire and I was able to get a recorded confession. They had enough to issue the warrant for arrest even without that. Seemed like an open and shut case, according to the detective.
The man was arrested at his workplace. The Brevard County Fugitive Team lead, Todd Holland, is a true gem. He was there for me, not just as a deputy of the law, but as an emotional support. To let me know that I did the right thing and I’m protecting other women from going through this.
The way the district attorney’s office handled it was deplorable. She stated that bumble was a hook-up app and despite his confession, he has no prior record, and they will not be moving forward. But to take comfort knowing he was arrested. Who gives a s**t? That does nothing for me. He can write me off as a crazy lady that didn’t know how to have fun. And gets to continue to do this to other women while I sit here and grieve for what he’s done. I will never forgive the SA for the additional trauma they caused me.
This is why women don’t report. This is why women don’t share their stories. For fear of ridicule, shame, embarrassment.
I have cried more than anyone should. I have shut-out my family and friends while longing for one of them to just hold me tight and tell me it’s going to be okay. I would like to tell you that a year out I’m healed and life is wonderful, but I’m not and it’s not. I feel broken. I question myself daily. I hide behind makeup and a smile.
I share my story because I know so many women have gone through similar. I am not what happened to me. WE are not what happened to us. I will heal. And I will use this to fuel my desire to help more women. I’ve been absent for fear of sharing my story but it needs to be told.
This isn’t the end, I will keep fighting for my light. I am a warrior.
National Sexual Assault Hotline 24/7 Support 1-800-656-4673