Amazing cakes from certified baker.
06/04/2024
Please say a prayer for my wife, Elena Dimitrova. She is fighting for her life at the ICU. She has a tube in her stomach to drain her ascities. She has a catheter in her liver to drain high enzymes caused by some kind of blockage. She is developing pneumonia now. She has plural effusion, needs oxygen mask untill her lungs function gets better.
Her oxygen level dropped from 95 to below 60 an hour ago. Doctors rushed in, they said I have to make a decision for her to be intubated. If they do that she is done, she won't recover from that, she pretty much turns into vegetation. I asked them to drain the fluid, they said that won't help, they said in her state that would be very risky. I still insisted they do it. Had the sign " Do not resuscitate " form. Took me 5 min to do it, I was crying and my hand was shaking uncontrollably.
I was holding her in my arms, hugging her and crying the whole time while they were doing the thoracentesis procedure., praying with all my heart and all my strength, I prayed like I have never prayed before. She was in horrible pain during the drainage, the doctor kept asking if we want to stop, but I knew if we stopped, she had no chance, so. I kept telling him to go on. The procedure so far seems to be successful, they drained 2 liters of fluid from one lung and her oxygen is at 100 for now. They will try to drain the other lung tomorrow if she makes it through the night.
She is a wonderful, amazing person. So gentle and kind , everyone likes her , people who know her love her. She makes amazing cakes, she draws, she plays the piano, she is so talented and smart.Our 2 kids, 3 and 8 years old are asking me every day where is mommy. She has been at the hospital for 3 weeks now. If there is any justice in this world, if there is a God, she has to pull through.Last 2 years have been living hell fighting this cancer, in and out of hospitals, surgeries, procedures, complications, chemo, radiation and more. How much more can someone endure ??????
I swear, if I could trade my place with her in that bed, I would do it in an instant, without a second hesitation ....
UPDATE
Today we had another horrible morning. Her oxygen level started dropping again. Doctors came in, said the plural effusion in the left lung that was never drained is collapsing her lung. I asked them to drain it, they said they are not sure if that will help, she is so weak, very risky procedure, painful, and if they puncture the lung she will die or end up on a fan in vegetative state, considering her other lung is struggling with a lot of mucus build up.
I told them to drain it, and I had to make another soul crushing decision about her life.I don't know how much longer I can take this. I was holding her again in my arms while she was crying from pain. The procedure went OK, her stats went up, for now she is doing OK. I feel like I live in some horrific nightmare and I just want to wake up and see her right next to me, beautiful and smiling, her long curly hair gently brushed by the cool wind and our kids shouting " Look mommy" , laughing and running across the grass....
UPDATE
Yesterday we had another doctor telling us she won't make it through the night. I brought the kids to see her, they were holding her hands on both sides of the bed and asking her " mommy when are you coming home ? " Before they came, she wrote me on a pad , since I can't hear her through the mask " Let's go home " I started crying and I told her that we will, in a few more days. She smiled at me, I felt like someone tore my soul apart. At some point during the day her oxygen dropped below 80 for 10 - 15 min, I was holding her hand and asking her to fight , to hold on with all her strength because me and the kids can't live without her. She stabilized , fortunately. Today the doctor said she has another new infection, so new antibiotics....
I secretly give her all kinds of supplements through her feeding tube, colodial silver , CBD, CoQ10, etc, hoping something will work.I pretty much live in the ICU now, don't even go home.
My last UPDATE
Elena passed away yesterday at 10 pm. I was holding her hand, sitting next to her bed, watching in the most unhuman agonizing pain how her heart rate and oxygen slowly dropped down to zero , in about 20 minutes. I was crying the whole time, kissing her hand, begging her to come back, begging her not to leave us, telling her we are lost without her. The pain is indescribable, my soul is ripped apart, it hurts so much, it so overwhelming I feel like I am suffocating. There is a void in me that nothing will ever fill, sorrow crushing my heart that will never go away.
She spend the last 3 weeks of her life in so much suffering. There were tubes and wires coming in and out of here everywhere, her body was so swollen from the fluids everywhere, she couldn't move. We couldn't even talk, I couldn't even tell her how much I love her, that she is the best thing that ever happened in my life, that those 14 years were the happiest years of my life. The last 2 days she never woke up, and before that with that oxygen mask on her face I couldn't hear what she was saying.
The children are inconsolable, crying and keep asking where is mommy. I feel like I just want to die and this hell to be over. If it wasn't for the kids, I would have followed her to where she is, I swear. I have no desire to live anymore. To find the one true love, your soul mate, something that happens once in a lifetime and not even everyone is that lucky and to lose her so soon. How much more cruel fate can be? Our kids will never say " mommy" again. We will never spend family vacations, travel, show them beautiful places. I will spend the rest of my miserable life alone, never to experience the magic of love again. She was the One, there will never be another like her.
1 life destroyed and 3 others ruined. I quit my job 2 months ago to be her caregiver and to be around her 24/7. We owe thousands upon thousands of dollars in medical bills, supplements, rife machines, alternative treatments. I cant even pay the mortgage anymore. I cant even pay for the funeral. We don't have a single dollar left in savings. I don't even know how will i feed my children.
Our little one, Lora has a birthday in 4 weeks. Elena wanted to make a cake for her. Lora was looking forward to that, asking every day " when is mommy going to make me cake ? "
