06/09/2026
How are you?
“Yeah, good thanks. You?”
“Yeah, fine thanks.”
And that’s that. 😂
Possibly the most pointless conversation we all have several times a week.
Because nobody really asked.
And nobody really answered.
My husband and I have this ongoing joke where one of us will take it a step further.
“How are you?”
“Yeah, fine.”
“No, but how are you… in yourself?”
Usually said with a very serious face. 😂
It feels like such an old-school British — and particularly Northern — thing to say.
And we’ve always laughed about it because…
What does that even mean?
Except lately I’ve been thinking about it.
And I think I finally get it.
Because “How are you in yourself?” isn’t really asking whether you’re happy or sad.
It’s not asking whether work’s going well.
Or whether the kids are okay.
Or whether you’re busy, tired, stressed, excited or having a good week.
It’s asking something underneath all of that.
Do you feel like YOU?
And that’s a very different question.
Because you can be fine…
and still not feel quite like yourself.
You can be getting everything done.
Showing up.
Working.
Parenting.
Organising.
Looking after everybody.
Laughing.
Going out.
Living a perfectly good life.
And still have this little sense that somewhere amongst all the doing…
you’ve gone a bit missing.
Not in a dramatic “I need to find myself” way.
I’m not sure most of us need to find ourselves.
And I definitely don’t think we need to become some shiny new version of ourselves.
Maybe we just need to notice what makes us feel more like ourselves again.
More rest?
More connection?
More adventure?
More play?
More space?
More joy?
Those moments where something inside you goes…
“Ahhh. There I am.”
So maybe my husband and I need to stop taking the p**s out of it.
Because “How are you… in yourself?” might actually be one of the best questions we can ask each other.
So forget the automatic “Yeah, fine thanks.”
How are you, in yourself?
And if you can answer that in one word, I’d genuinely love to know what it is.
