Happy Calm Kids

05/02/2025

I would add that Bush Magic is also great at helping kids learn social skills, emotional regulation and how to manage their own risks with awareness of consequences and safe limit testing allowed. It's a great program for any child, but especially those who need extra support and it is inclusive of all children because all children deserve a chance to participate in such a fun and beneficial program.

02/12/2024

29/06/2024

What is inclusion?
It's not just saying "You are welcome here" and making a place in our programs for everyone. That's only a start.
Real inclusion is so much more.
Taking the time to find out what each child needs, making adjustments that take those needs into account, making sure there are opportunities for every child to participate and share their own uniqueness with others in the group - that's real inclusion.
That can look like a child booking in and attending our sessions with little to no contact between booking and arriving, or it can involve hours of discussion and planning once the booking is made to set the child up for success.
For children with special needs who may have never felt part of something or that they belong in a group of friends, this is what can change their world.
And for children who have not had much contact with children with special needs, it's how they learn that everyone has something to offer.
Some of the kids who struggle most being accepted and included are the same kids who have amazing skills and talents to share. Those are the kids who often end up leaders in our programs.
In our groups, everyone is valued as an individual and everyone is recognised for what they can offer the community.
I strongly believe that this is how peace begins - sowing the seeds of acceptance and appreciation for each other one child at a time.

03/10/2021

With the return to school in NSW starting on 11th October for some students, I have opened up more counselling spaces as I am anticipating that many children who have been happy with the home learning arrangements and their families may struggle with the change, which may lead to school related anxiety and school refusal. This was my experience after the lockdown last year and I am happy to say that with some intense individual and family work, I was able to assist all of my students to get back to learning at school and feeling more positive about it. If your child is in this situation and you don't already have support to address this, I would be happy to have a free one off consultation to share some tips and discuss a plan to address their anxieties with you. Early intervention and preparation is key. Please call me on 0428 909 895. Don't navigate this tricky situation alone, I'm here to help.

31/05/2020

I am writing this blog not in my usual role as a parenting author and former teacher. I am writing it as someone who has worked closely with children, families and communities dealing with and recovering from trauma. For those parents whose children attend school, the next six months will be a criti...

06/05/2020

Another article i wrote for my school newsletters in response to increasing anxiety since it has been announced that children will be going back to school next week. I hope you find it useful.

HELPING YOUR CHILD COPE DURING DIFFICULT TIMES

It is understandable that anxiety has increased for parents and children alike since we have been living through these unprecedented times. With children expected back at school for one day per week next week, some children are relieved and happy to have their routine back and be able to see their friends whilst others who were quite happy learning from home and some who already had some anxiety about school may be starting to get concerned about the change. Depending on how your family has been coping during the lockdown, you as a parent may also be experiencing a whole range of emotions including anxiety about going back to normal life.

Have you ever noticed that on the days where you are struggling most and need your kids to be on their best behavior, that they are often hardest to handle? This is not because your child wants to make your life difficult but because your child is responding to your emotions and when you are feeling overwhelmed or adrift, your child also begins to feel that way, sometimes even more so than you can imagine. They see you as a 'rock in the sea' and need to know that you will be there standing firm and strong no matter what life throws at you. When they see you struggling, they become anxious. If their big, strong, wise parent can't cope, how can they? They may also feel that they need to solve your problems for you.

Anxiety often runs in families. But more than just being a genetic predisposition, it can also be learned. Parents are a child's first teachers and learning how to respond to life circumstances is one of the things you teach your children. They watch everything you do - you are their most important role model. Kids pick up all sorts of signals from the adults in their lives, so have a think about the messages you’re sending. Over-protective family members can inadvertently reinforce children’s fears that the world is a dangerous place where everything can hurt you. Similarly, parents who ‘over-help’ are subconsciously telling their kids that they can’t do anything without adult support.

For this reason it is important to be aware of your own anxiety behaviours and to have a plan to deal with them before they impact on your children. Some common anxiety behavoiurs in adults are:
• Irritability/anger
• Constantly feeling rushed or that there is not enough time
• 'Helicopter parenting' ie feeling the need to fight your
children's battles for them or clearing the way to make
things easy for them
• Feeling jumpy or restless
• Avoidance of situations out of fear
• Constant worry or intrusive thoughts
• Problems with concentration
• Stomach symptoms or headaches
• Using alcohol or other drugs to cope

As counsellors working with parents, we often say that parents need to be bigger, stronger, wiser and kind. When parents show children that they have things under control by giving the impression that they are bigger, stronger, wiser and kind (even if this impression is far from the reality of how you feel), they make their children feel safe and the chance of children responding with anxious behaviours is greatly reduced.

Enlisting the help of a counsellor can often help you to manage your child's anxiety as well as your own.

28/04/2020

I came across this great website. In particular, The Story of the Oyster and the Butterfly is a lovely way to talk to kids about coronavirus and help them to deal with their feelings about the changes that are happening.

The Story of the Oyster and the Butterfly Help children understand the Coronavirus and COVID-19. Free to Download. Albanian Chinese Creole English French German Greek Hungarian Japanese Portuguese Romanian Serbian Spanish Tamil Turkish My Coronavirus Helping BoxEMDR Version This book uses EMDR Thera...

28/04/2020

Here is an article that I wrote for the school newsletters of the schools I am currently working at. I hope that it helps you to put your parenting role during school at home into perspective.

PARENTING THROUGH CHANGING TIMES

A lot has been made of the changes to schools and to the lives of teachers and students due to the COVID-19 pandemic, but I have not heard much about how parents are supposed to adapt to this change. Many parents are now working from home, supervising students who are doing school at home and also doing their normal daily duties as parents, house holders, caring for and/or worrying about older parents and family members, all whilst having trouble getting the basic necessities for their household from the supermarket. It is understandable that many parents are anxious and feeling that things are out of control. It is not possible to do all of these jobs at once or even to do them to a very high standard without letting something slide.

As a school counsellor, I want to set the record straight about what is needed from parents at this point in time. You don’t need to make beautiful colour coded timetables to plan your child's day unless you want to, you don’t need to provide endless activities to stave off boredom, you don’t even need to make sure all their school work is finished each day. First and foremost you are a parent. In order for children to learn, they need to feel happy and secure. That is your most important role.

From my point of view:
• the most important thing that parents need to provide is a safe and secure base for their children whilst the world is in a state of rapid and unrecognizable change. Children need to know they are loved and cared for and that you will be there for them.
• Parents need to keep their own anxieties and emotions under control in order to help their children to keep their emotions regulated. As well as showing them that you believe that we are going to get through this and that it is not forever, children will be easier for you to handle if they are not in a constant state of heightened emotion. Don’t let them listen to the news reports all day. Put on some music instead.
• Parents need to respond to their children's emotions in positive and constructive ways. This means recognizing and validating your child or children if they are sad, worried, missing friends, frustrated etc. Letting your child know that their emotions are understandable and normal in the circumstances will help them to work through difficult times and open up communication with you.
• It is particularly important at this time to practice self -compassion. It is not realistic to expect you will always be able to control your emotions as you are also experiencing stress and uncertainty. If you do have a moment of not containing your emotions, use this as a talking point with children to normalize emotions and discuss ways to manage this.
• When it comes to school, parents just need to supervise their children to try to get them to stay on task when they are online learning. It is important that parents recognize that they do not need to be teachers. If your child is on task half the time, they are probably doing pretty well. If you think you child is not doing enough work, don't let it become a battle ground. You can pass your concerns on to your child's teacher and they will deal with it just like they would if your child was in a physical classroom.

This is the minimum. If you want to do more and are able to, that's great. But if you can't, everything will still be ok.

Try to use the opportunities that you have for extra time with your children to work on things like connecting with each other in positive ways, teaching them important life skills such as making a decent coffee or cup of tea, cooking, cleaning, working together towards a goal or sharing a hobby that you love to do. Play is a child's work. Play with them and let them lead the game. If they have siblings, it is a good time to help them to build a better relationship with each other by spending time together doing fun activities. Focus on kindness to others and gratitude for the things you can do, rather than being sad about the things you can't do.

Just because everything is changing doesn’t mean that things need to be difficult. If you can focus on positives and show your children that you can find opportunities within a challenging environment, it will teach them skills to build resilience and they will hopefully take that with them into the rest of their lives.

If you need support during this strange and changing time, please send me a message. I am able to offer outdoor in-person consultations as well as phone and Zoom counselling sessions.

Some useful phone numbers (in Australia):

24 hour helplines:
Kids Helpline – 1800 55 1800
Lifeline – 13 11 14
Domestic Violence Line – 1800 65 64 63

9am-9pm Mon to Fri and 4pm – 9pm weekends:
Parentline – 1300 1300 52