Church Survivors

23/10/2026

I was taught that questioning authority was rebellion.
That “honor” meant silence.
That “trust your leaders” was the same as trusting God.

But that kind of teaching doesn’t protect people.
It creates the perfect conditions for grooming.

Because grooming doesn’t start with abuse.
It starts with control.
With shutting down questions.
With making someone feel wrong for noticing something is off.

And when kids are raised to ignore their instincts, defer to power, and keep the peace at all costs, they become easier to manipulate and harder to protect.

We have to do better.

Here’s what I’m committed to teaching my kids:

• You are allowed to question anyone, including me, pastors, and leaders
• If something feels off, you can trust that feeling
• No adult gets a free pass because of their title or “calling”
• Secrets about behavior are not okay. Safe adults don’t ask you to hide things
• You will never be in trouble for telling the truth or asking hard questions
• Your body, your boundaries, your voice matter, always

Healthy authority doesn’t fear questions.
Safe people don’t need silence to maintain control.

If your system requires unquestioned trust to function, it’s not safe.

Let’s raise kids who know how to think, not just how to obey.

22/10/2026

22/10/2026

Two Fold the Child of Hell!

22/10/2026

Shame Trap!

God’s people submit to Spiritual Abuse from others and institutions because shameful feelings make them feel they deserve abused!

From "Healing Spiritual Abuse"
by Ken Blue

God’s people respond to self-doubt, self-hate and shame in various ways. Shame calls for punishment, which is exactly what abuse leader’s offer. Many seek relief through punishment of abuse style of leaders.

But in a nutshell, if we know for sure that we are really OK with God and other people because Jesus makes us OK. Then no one can manipulate and control us ever again.

I have often seen leaders who feel personally defective and inadequate elevate themselves above others in order to get relief from their ill feelings about themselves. Abusive leaders may feel deeply shamed themselves, but instead of looking for people to lord it over.

Gaining a position of superiority over others temporarily calms their self-doubt. Soon, however, they need another fix, so they continue seeking ways to exercise power over others.

The illegitimate use of power is like drinking salt water. The more you drink, the more thirsty you become.

In many abusive relationships, therefore, the common denominator between victim and abuser is Shame. Shame invites abusive treatment by one and prompts abusive behavior by the other. It’s a Trap!

22/10/2026

The survivor is never to blame for any part of their trauma.

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22/10/2026

22/10/2026

Poor Mental Health Trait! 14

Is your Pastor or someone you know a Sociopath?

From Take Back Your Life by Janja Lalich and Madeleline Tobias

The Profile of a Sociopath! 14 of 15

A Charismatic leader who ... increasingly becomes the object of worship!

A series of processes that can associate with "coercive persuasion" or "Thought Reform"

The tendency toward manipulation from above ... with exploitation- economic, sexual, or other-of often-genuine seekers who bring idealism from below.

14. Lack of Realistic life Plan and Parasitic Lifestyle!

A Sociopathic pastor sense of entitlement is demonstrated by the contrast between his luxurious lifestyle and the impoverishment of his followers. Most of them are supported by gifts and donations from their devoted followers, who may be pressured to turn over much of their income and worldly possessions to the Church.

They may complain of being burned outdue to the caring for their followers....