03/08/2026
Today I turned 40… I pulled a few tarot cards last night at 1am when I couldn’t sleep, to help me make sense of the weird anxiety I was feeling around this big birthday.
Amongst my spread was the death card (a symbol of natural change rather than literal death 😅) and I wasn’t really surprised. This past year, my 40th year on earth, has probably been the most transformative so far with the arrival of baby Mia.
With that transformation, I’ve felt an inevitable loss of my old identity… but I feel like I’m still waiting for this new identity to solidify, to feel comfortable walking around in this new skin, knowing what to call myself and how to be around others.
The tarot book cautioned me, “don’t rush into this next stage until you’re truly ready”, and I’m taking those words to heart.
The other card was the Queen of Pentacles, the emodiment of hearth and home, my book said. She can represent motherhood and a more settled period in your life (tarot is seriously spooky!).
I don’t really know what this next year or decade will look like, all the little ways my life as a traveller, photographer, storyteller will have to change to accomodate being a Mum. But when my mother-in-law asked me yesterday how I was feeling about turning 40 as we hurriedly drove a crying baby Mia home for her midday nap, I told her that no matter how many ways I feel I may have fallen short of where I thought I’d be at 40, the end note of every spiral is that having this baby in my arms feels like the most important achievement for me anyway.
Anyway, I’ll write and send out a new longer update soon ❤️ thanks for being here with me. We took these pics last night right near our house on our way out to dinner!
