Discover the secrets of our silent streets, 🗝️ meet ordinary Maltese who lived extraordinary lives 🕵️♂️, and delve into the dangers of dark days past. ☠️
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LIVE MALTA'S GREATEST STORIES, UNCOVER OUR HIDDEN HERITAGE - Discover secrets of our silent streets, 🗝️ meet ordinary Maltese who lived extraordinary lives 🕵️♂️, delve into the dangers of dark days past ☠️...one Malta-themed tour at a time!
26/05/2025
The Order wasn’t amused with the incident… The result? The knight who threw the punch (but refused to accept the challenge of the duel by person who got struck) was given:
☠Forty-five days of public praying in St. John’s Co-Cathedral,
☠Followed by a 5-year “vacation” in a pitch-black dungeon with no candles!!
☠With “no light at the end of this tunnel,” after these 5 years, the knight was also sentenced to remain a prisoner for life inside "the castle (presumably St. Angelo or even St. Elmo)
All the above...For throwing a punch!......Can we agree on this being a clear example of finding yourself at the wrong end of the stick?!!
For more ball-breaking tales... join us on our one-of-a-kind themed tours..I promise it will only get so much worse for the people you'll meet! :) 😉👿💀
⚔️ JEAN DE VALETTE HAS JUST LANDED IN BIRGU!
But he’s nowhere near Grand Master status…yet. 😏
🗓️ On May 17th, something extraordinary happened yesterday…We launched a brand new Malta Themed Tour to the general public during an exclusive FAA Flimkien Ghal Ambjent Ahjar organised experience…
And it was the 1st tour of its kind:
💥 A biographical, dramatized, acted out tour of Jean de Valette… long before he became a household name (or got his own city).
🎭 This isn’t a lecture….It’s a live, theatrical escape into the raw, dangerous early days of the Knights of Malta in Birgu!
Your Maltese guide becomes Jean de Valette, so you see Malta through the eyes of this fiery French Knight as he claws his way through internal chaos, betrayal, and bloody ambition in Birgu, between 1530–1551.
⚠️ Forget the Great Siege of 1565. This tour intentionally doesn’t go there.
Because this De Valette still has bones to break and battles to win
💀 Among his own cunning, corrupt comrades.
🕵️♂️ Birgu is teeming with poisoned ambitions, puppet masters, perfect betrayals and way too many pointy objects aimed at each other’s backs instead of their true enemies (who aren’t far away either) .
🎬 And yes, it ends with an epic, immersive showdown…The kind of twist that would make Machiavelli raise an eyebrow…. because history isn’t black and white. It’s twisted, living, and highly debatable.
📌 Usually, this tour – “Dark Knights in Birgu – Grand Masters of Mayhem” is a 3 hour private epic we reserve for hardcore history buffs, Knights of Malta groupies, military history nerds, geo-politics junkies, and the occasional curious time-traveller in search of something authentic, different and above all exciting! …
But yesterday, we offered a rare 2-hour-ish teaser to the public.
And no, it won’t be the last. So……
👀 Keep stalking our socials like a 16th-century spy as another limited-edition experience for the general public is coming this year…
At Malta Themed Tours, we don’t just show you history…We seduce you with it. We make you live it. One wickedly unforgettable tour at a time. 🇲🇹
⚔️ Join the rebellion and Malta will never feel the same again.
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09/05/2025
🗡️ NEW FAN-MADE VIDEO 📜 What a wickedly wonderful gift from our new youngest 11 year old supporter, Jack Camilleri!
Serving visiting guests at the Mdina Medieval Festival Information point Jack juggled your questions like a pro, helping all in need of information about the festival and despite handling a very busy booth, he still found time to film and photograph your guide serving up our dark 1429 guided tour for the Medieval Mdina Festival 2025 Edition.
PS... That " he is very kind" to guests you witnessed…Purely for the first deceptive few minutes 😉😂 …Once safely away from innocent eyes, I hurled those unsuspecting visiting time travellers headfirst into the grim and dark realities of 1429 😆 All survived though rest assured 😀
Jokes aside…Gratitude once more, dear Jack Camilleri... Your words of praise are cherished like a rare artifact from the Grand Master's private collection and make it all the worth while 😊
MASSIVE Thank you also....to all the guests who joined us during the Medieval Mdina festival 2025…All the best until our paths cross at the next Medieval Mdina Festival, where with Malta Themed Tours , Malta’s past isn't just remembered…it's relived…and at your own risk! ⚔️
07/05/2025
Immensely proud to have been selected by the Mdina Local Council to host all official tours for the Medieval Mdina Festival 2025! Thank you Medieval Mdina Festival and Mdina Local Council for this wonderful opportunity
It was a busy bustling medieval weekend, and I’m grateful to the many local and visiting guests (and now new friends) who joined our family-friendly tours. Though a shorter, and much lighter version of our usual dark and thrilling Medieval Mayhem in Mdina, it was an absolute blast.
The weekend was also bittersweet...., marked by the sudden loss of Robert Grima, a larger than life founder and veteran of Malta’s re-enactment scene and a true history enthusiast. Robert’s positive infectious energy and laughter lit up every event. His absence will be certainly felt by all, but I’m comforted knowing my last video of Robert interacting with me (shared with his family ) was how I always knew him…Smiling! Rest in Peace Robert... you’re surely the life of the party on the other side.
28/04/2025
👊YOUR OFFICIAL MEDIEVAL MDINA FESTIVAL GUIDE OF MAYHEM 👊
Next weekend....Hold onto your codpieces you filthy peasants, because I’m SUPER HONOURED to say your favorite 15th-century Maltese corsair has been anointed by the High-and-Mighty Mdina Local Council as the OFFICIAL TOUR GUIDE for the Medieval Mdina Festival 2025!😁😁😁😁😁
Tours are FREE for the general public - capped at 50 souls, so don’t start a riot or knife your neighbour for a spot (just.....yet).
First-come, first-served, and if you’re late, you’ll regret it as dangers of biblical proportion await Mdina in 1429
P.S. This is NOT our 2-hour 15-minute Wicked Wednesday Medieval Mayhem Tour, where we get gloriously depraved and dirty! The Council’s got a hangman’s rope with my name on it if I sneak in the spicy stuff, so this is the Family-Friendly version for Kids 😃
But don’t get comfy... danger still awaits……………….
See you there, you filthy lot! (Please bathe beforehand. The 15th century was smelly enough without your help.) 😂😅😁
26/04/2025
From lustful whispers to treacherous lies, and horrible truths you definitely won’t find on the “Visit Malta” website… 🖤 Feast your eyes on the daring Dark Travellers who danced with .danger, debauchery, and decadent courtesans...
Their captain enjoyed torturing them quite a bit...but made sure they all made it out alive of our dark 17th-century Valletta Tour with their wits (and a few cursed gold scudi coins) intact, now they are all joyfully headbanging at the Dark Malta Festival !! 💀
A blood soaked thank you to the Dark Malta Festival organizers for once again choosing us as the official guides for this glorious Dark Malta 2025 Special Tour Edition. 🖤 𝐃𝐚𝐫𝐤 𝐌𝐚𝐥𝐭𝐚 𝐅𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐚𝐥 𝐢𝐬 𝐌𝐚𝐥𝐭𝐚’𝐬 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐆𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐜/𝐈𝐧𝐝𝐮𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐚𝐥/𝐌𝐞𝐭𝐚𝐥 𝐞𝐱𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐯𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐧𝐳𝐚, and is a yearly April ritual........keep your spyglass ready for future editions when you haunt Malta’s shores!
Craving more dark tours? Join our 𝐒𝐢𝐧𝐟𝐮𝐥 𝐒𝐞𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐕𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐚 𝐓𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐨𝐧 𝐌𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐚𝐲, or into dark and deadly 15th Century Mdina Tour on 𝐖𝐞𝐝𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐌𝐞𝐝𝐞𝐢𝐯𝐚𝐥 𝐌𝐚𝐲𝐡𝐞𝐦 𝐓𝐨𝐮𝐫.
Book your descent into Malta’s dark side and underbelly here:
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“CORSAIRS OF MALTA TOURS “ NOW HAPPENING IN VALLETTA!!
Malta’s Maritime History is a forgotten action-packed adventure of survival,brutality, passion, exotic delicacies and much more. It is a story of hope and despair and much more, just waiting for you to discover.
Peep into the colourful, promiscuous and yet violent lives of the feared Corsairs of Malta. Stories that must be re-told and re-experienced in the FIRST EVER complete guided tours about our Maltese Corsairs in Valletta.
An ORIGINAL CONCEPT.Brought to you by THE REAL MALTA TOURS .
Those the Maltese Corsairs attacked may have called them “Pirates”. However, in reality, they were licensed professionals i.e Corsairs, protecting Malta’s shores.
Yet, to the everyday Maltese at the time (struggling to survive) the Corsairs were Heroes. Their adventures and sacrifices for Malta were the stuff of legends!
Just like a Hollywood Script! Except that our tales REALLY Happened!
So welcome aboard and book your place in the “Corsairs of Malta” Group Tours Join our professional Tour Guide Chris Schembri (who has been guiding professionally for over 12 years) on this special Maritime Voyage.
As every location we visit in Valletta during our “Corsairs of Malta Tours” will take you one step closer to experiencing the Raw and Real history of Malta and its Corsairs.
For in our Corsair Tours about Valletta, the Corsairs of Malta literally “Steal the Show”.
BOOK a “Corsairs of Malta Tour” now and experience another secret and forgotten part of our History in Valletta. Before you head back home and deeply regret missing out on Real (known by few ) stories about buildings in Valletta you would never ever imagine!
See you on our tours!
All the best!
The Real Malta Tours Excursion Organisers Licensed by the Malta Tourism Authority
