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The Dreamer- yes that’s me, Tibpuan, Kalamansig (2026)

16/10/2025

I had to stop for a little bit and take photos of this amazing Organ Mountain. This is the view my eyes enjoy and my heart celebrates every afternoon on my way to work. A reminder that in this desert that rain does not come often, life is still beautiful and bountiful.

We came in this area June of 2010. Josh just picked us up in Philippines. For months, it was just me, Brent, and Josh with occasional visit to Ate Lorna, who is like a second mother to us. Even so, life was still beautiful; nothing to complain. I gained so much weight in my first 6 months in this place then we found out that my TSH level was over a hundred level.

God is good all the time. People always tell me there is nothing in this area. I always say there are plenty in this area. There are friends, family, schools, and interesting neighbors. Lately, we started spending more time camping again. I guess you can call it glamping because we have a comfortable beds to sleep in at night. Kids are enjoying making s’mores and walking in the forests. With their dad of course. Brent made weapons out of sticks. At one point, he told his dad he wants to make a trap. Juice ko! Macriminal man ni akon anak uy. Lol! Even so, they get a chance to be closer to nature.

Growing-up, it felt like we were camping too. With sulo and suga that lit-up our house. When we studied and did our homework, we had to share the light coming from one suga to save some gas. In the morning, amon ilong puno ka buling. There were times my hair caught fire too. Oh! The smell! If my memory is right, we first experienced having electricity in 1996. We were tapping from Auntie Merlit and we only have it at night. Can you imagine our excitement when we had our own planka and we can finally watch movies anytime (as long as wala brown-out?).

I missed Lebak. I missed the simplicity of life; the sound of crickets and the ocean waves. I missed everything we had when we were young. Kids nowadays would rather spend their time playing videogames and watching videos in their cellphones. Kids during our days were busy playing outside and get dirty. Busy hiding from their parents to play jolen, damang fight, takyan, talang, and much more.

https://youtu.be/VjfXV-xhDFk?si=M4vHw3hwvX__kfrR

14/08/2024

Today’s recipe for success

On my way to work, the Sheriff stopped us. About 100 cars and trucks were waiting for a go. I sent a message to my director informing her that i won’t make it to work on time. Cars keep coming. There will be a race once they cleared the road. I don’t want to be a part of the race so I will stay back and be safe.

I got interviewed for hemodialysis position in Alamogordo yesterday. I always want to be a dialysis nurse to prepare me to become nephrologist (if I pursue). She asked me how do I handle stress such as devices not working or short staffing? I told her I am a pretty patient person. If the things don’t go my way, I let it go. I don’t stress out over things. This is true. There are things that could have made me ran-over people if I wanted to get things done my way but no. I made a sound decisions.

Music calms me down. I downloaded country songs in my phone and listen to them when I drive. My favorites are “You Say” by Lauren Daigle and “Humble and Kind” by Tim McGraw. I can listen to these songs all day. There are lessons you get from these lyrics.

Everytime we go home (Philippines), people will tell me “wala ka gid nagbag-o Jan ba”. Just as what Tim McGraw said, always stay humble and kind. Ano man naabot naton sa buhay, indi ta dapat mag hinambog or mag bag-o. Instead, dapat nga i-enjoy ta ang buhay. Help others kung may chance ka. Always go back to your roots. Don’t forget your dialects and language. Magpasalamat kung gintabangan ka sang tawo nga gintabangan mo in the past. Kung may mag praise sa aton, we say thank you. Share your food sa mga gutom.

Looking back, damo may utang sa akong. The latest kay amon pinsan nga nagmismanaged sang hotel construction. Almost half a million ang nasobra bayad. They can challenge me with the amount but we have receipts and paper trail. I tried my best to recoup the amount pero wala gid kay pigado daw. Ang problema, they don’t try hard to pay back or to explain what went wrong bisan bal an na ano problema. Wala gid remorse from their wrong doings.

People will take advantage of us. I am telling you, God will return all those were lost pero ang mga tao nga nag take advantage will not succeed until the person whom they did wrong will forgive them. We only live once. Try to forgive but not to forget. Let karma take care of them. It’s hard to carry the burden.

To close this out, thank you my favorite songs for reminding me of the things that I don’t remember. Sometimes, we have to stop and think about the good things that make us going and happy. Don’t focus on the negatives. Continue to practice the values we grew up with. I am telling you, blessing will keep coming. Either good job, good friends, good family, or good health.

13/08/2024

My today’s recipe for success.

Drove over an hour to work this morning. It is my second day in my second job. It is better than yesterday. I was wide awake by the way. Josh is always nervous with my driving, I am not. Finally I am comfortable using the cruise control specially when your speed is 80 miles/hour.

This morning, I am more ready. I got myself a coffee with extra shot of espresso. It worked like a charm.

I have a goal to retire at 45. Before that, I need to pay off my debts. For this to happen, I will work two jobs for at least 15 months. This is not too bad. Remember, having a goal will drive you to work harder and focus more.

I remember hating our living situation growing-up. Mamang leaves for the market as early as 6 AM. Daddy was always drunk. Me and my manghods looked at the tricycle lights from Lucero’s area to Gestosani and were guessing Mamang was in that tricycle. We do this until she gets home. The first thing we checked was her basket if she brought tinapay. Mind you, we already ate dinner at that point. My poor mamang has to deal with drunk husband most of the days. Seeing her worked her bum off to send us to school and support the entire family was good enough to work hard.

I spent so many nights day dreaming. Dreaming that one day, I can be of a help to my parents especially to mamang. I thank God that my parents are/were able to enjoy the fruits of our hardwork (with the help of our siblings). Success does not mean you have all the money in the world. Success means you met your goals.

Today’s recipe were perseverance+goal with venti size coffee. Thanks for this morning’s coffee for keeping me safe.

03/08/2024

Tonight, na yawyawan ko ang guest. Wala respeto sa time sang iban. I offer discounted rate in any of my units para tanan may chance mag staycation. Tapos mga wala klaro.

As we get older, our patience to people’s stupidity gets shorter. Wala ko pili kung mga taga diin. I don’t have to prove anything to anyone anymore. I pretty much achieved most of my goals in life. If you are not my family or friends, i have no time for your BS. Even some of my relatives who did me wrong, they inspire me to be on my worst.

When I watch these gangsters and mafia movies, the boss always get away. They also do good things in the community. Daw nami mag form sang sarili ko nga gang ba. Who knows, i might look good in tuxedo or bloody hands. I know exactly who to hire. Aside from eliminating mga palautang kag mga chismosa, I can get rid of hambugeras and tikalon. It’s a good business prospect. Oh well, in my fantasy. 😝

We bought a new car. It’s sleek. It’s also expensive. Dugang sa utang. Basta good payer, taas credit score. Hahaha. Sa kadamo sa akong utang, daw maka worry nga wala na magpautang sa akong sunod. But nothing beats the smell of that new stuff you got. Good smelling car, good smelling house, etc. Akon bana gakunsumisyon kay damo bills gaabot. Hahaha. Oh well, mas lalo magsakit ulo nya kung makita nya ang iban nakon nga utang. Hahaha.

Ning akon bunso, tanan na lang “hey, that’s mine”. Sus na lang ni nga bata. Dapat gid nga ma expose ni sila sa kpobrehon sang Pilipinas. Maayo na lang kay ila tatay, wala gid gakulang kadesiplina sa ila.

I started my Master’s this week. Not bragging or whatsoever pero libre ni sya. Veteran’s Affairs is paying for my tuition with book and housing allowance. Diin ka pa sina? By December, matapos ko na gid ining akon degree nga 4 years in the making ugh!

Side note… i baked a cookie tonight and it is crunchylicious yummy 😋

02/08/2024

Here watching Chip n’ Dale for the 50th times. Gikapoy na ko sini katan aw but what can I do? Haha.

Tonight, I am enjoying another moment with my kids and husband. Happy gid ko with this life we have. Forever grateful for God’s blessings.

Considering we grew up in the Philippines with huge Catholic population, I was not really a solid church goer. I always believe that doing the right thing and helping others will save me and my family and will guarantee me a place in heaven. Karon nga akon bana makes us all go to church every week, it makes us feel even better. Even my 5 year old is getting used to our Sunday routine. I am so lucky kay bisan indi Catholic akon bana, he leads our way to the Lord.

It seems like everything is better now that I am no longer in the force. Soon, we can finally recover financially pagkatapos nakon invest sa kadamo-damo nga properties. 🤦🏻‍♀️. I swear napuno na ning akon bana kay puro lang ko gasto. Oh well, better than buying expensive things such as purses and phones.

Today, we picked-up the kids free school supplies from my workplace. Not too shabby for free stuff. Kids are excited to go back to school. Kami man, we are excited. Ahhh life is good. Salamat ulit Lord…

24/06/2024

After 6 years and 3 months in the service, I am finally back wearing my civilian badge. Lol! Husband is happy, youngest child is so clingy, oldest just is worried we won’t live comfortably anymore. The other day, we went to the furniture store to buy bed sets, new living room set and dining room set. He cried because he thought we will be broke and live in misery. His dad has to pull him aside to explain to him that I still have a job and other income coming. His dad told him that even he does not work, he has retirement money coming every month. Though we make a good money me being in Air Force, my mental and physical health are more important.

We are back here in Alamogordo with everything new in the house. I told my husband i want to live comfortably so as them. For the first time since we got married, I didn’t wish for second hands items like we used to do. My hope and dreams are for my family to live in luxury. Bahala na what others will tell me. I pay what I owe! Praying soon, I can pay off all of my debts including my debts from my siblings. Laban lang gid Japan.

Tomorrow, I am going to the local hospital’s HR to sign the documents for this new job I have. I will also travel which pays okay. That means I will be busy. This time, i promise myself I will pay more attention to my family. Kids will be homeschooled this year since we have plans to travel a lot.

We had our first party at one of our Ate’s house. It was so fun that we didn’t know it was almost midnight when we left. Kids were still bouncing around due to too much suger in the system. Oh Lord! Plan to lose weight went down the drain specially with all the “sharon” packed for us. These friends we have in NM are our families.

Lessons I learned from these changes are:

1. It’s always the people you work or live with that makes your experience yay or nay.

2. Work hard and save sooner than later. Invest.

3. Always do the right thing. God will reward you from your good deeds.

4. Always keep your communication open with your friends. It comes on handy later.

5. Enjoy life. If you are no longer happy in your job, quit. The benefits are not worth it.

6. Take care of what really matters. Eat well, exercise, give your love one hugs.

I am sure I have more but I’m already tired. Good night from New Mexico!

17/03/2024

Mission Possible with these ladies

12/03/2024

Yesterday, I went to have my annual mammogram with some concern of breast tenderness. I got breast ultrasound as part of double checking the breast tissues if nothing is showing in the mammogram. The amazing radiologist said that the dark spot seen could be cyst or mass but because it is less than 2 cm, she would want me to have breast biopsy. I went back in the hospital earlier today to get the procedure done. Radiologist explained to me the procedure and advised me they will call for the pathology result. He said, if they want me to come in to not worry about it. I almost told him that in most occasions, asking the patient to come in for the result means something different. I kept my mouth shut coz I knew he means well.

The procedure went well that the only pain I felt was at the initial injection of lidocaine. After that, everything went smoothly that they have to wake me up every time they put clips as markers. I took the rest of the day off to keep up with icing and resting.

With how quick everything happened between yesterday afternoon and today, I feel so lucky to receive this kind of care. It made me feel sad when I think about Philippine healthcare. Before ma CT scan and pasyente, need gid anay may kwarta kay cash to cash basis and systema. May PhilHealth man pero gamay lang ang covered. Damo nga ipasa Diyos na lang ang ila condition instead of seeking treatment kay magpaconsult pa lang, dako na dayon mabayran plus diagnostic tests that comes with it. Karuluoy tanan. Ang mga may kwarta, mapobre sa sakit. Ang mga pobre, mas lalo napobre kay may sakit, di ka trabaho.

Indi ako well verse sang healthcare system sa Pilipinas. Wala ko stat to show others how bad our system is. Mga public hospitals, punuan kay people are seeking for a free or cheap medical care. Ang mga hospital workers, mga stressed na kay damo pasyente, wala kaayo sa ila gatabang. Ang patient-nurse ratio is garbage. We say prevention is better than cure pero most Filipinos don’t get their annual exams. Unta may sakit or wala, lalo na sa aton diet and lifestyle, we go to our doctors for our routine check-up. Not an easy solution kay everything involve money. Kung magkadto sa doctor, may charge. Kung libre ang consult, people will have to leave their work or magbyahe pa to get to the doctor. Kwarta gihapon. Ang mga katawhan nga sa mga bukid, they have to tend their farms kay kung wala mag asikaso, basi mawad an sila income. My wishful thinking is, how about the government goes to their people instead of people go to their government? What happened to medical outreach programs? Pang every election lang ba ina?

If I keep thinking about this problem and the solutions, gasakit akon dede nga ginbiopsy. Haha. Akon lang gina pray kay Lord to give me more energy to do what I want and to be of help to others. One day Lord, one day!

04/03/2024

I am back. Finally, nagka time na rin.

Tonight, my friend Janice brought us cartons of milk and cereals. May pa peanut butter pa which I didn’t know didto lang gali upod sang apple juice but Timothy managed to put it in the refrigerator.

I am not only lucky for having husband and kids who are so helpful and mindful of others. I am lucky to have friends na very generous. Not just here in Japan but also in Alamogordo and Philippines.

Isaiah 41:10

“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

During college years, me and my siblings were blessed with courage, perseverance, focus, self discipline, togetherness, and patience. We were also blessed with determination to succeed in life. Our goals were to be better than what we were. We were always late paying our tuition. Our landlady wanted our rental paid on time (which I didn’t really blame her for having an addict of a son). Our allowance was not enough and as a budget officer of our household (char!), it was hard to decide what to prioritize. I am so proud of my brothers Digs and Carlo for staying strong bisan pirti ko ka strikta.

When I started my tutorial job, our lives changed a little bit. We were able to afford having beef soup on weekends as long as I wake up at 4 para magkadto sa Bankerohan. My brothers still has to bring sandwiches and NCCC pudding for snacks and lunch. Kaya if you see their pictures before, mga slim pa sila. I remember Digoy walks from boarding house to Ateneo everyday kay tama lang ang allowance. I took banca from UM to Bankerohan and walked from Bankerohan to boarding house to save a little. Those experiences kept us grounded. I love to reminisce the past but there is no way, we are going back to that life again. Maybe the walking part and not over eating since those kept us healthy.

Talking about food, our very good friend Erwin was a Godsend. Him and Lynlyn lived in the other side of the block. He will come visit us with candies and his mommy’s special humba. We will play games using his M&ms as taya. Then mapildi sya, wala nuon nya na enjoy iya candy. Daw mga 2 years gihapon to until Digs and his high school friends graduated in college.

Another experience we had while living in Manang’s boarding house was this Army guy. Wala ko na nadumduman iya pangalan. I met him through Manang Pajie kay may nag invite sa amon. Of course libre kaya go dayon. I thought this guy was interested kay Manang kaya sige sya balik balik sa balay. Nakauli na lang si Manang sa Lebak, nag aige man gihapon dala ice cream. There were times nga tig pila ka tub ginadala nga ice cream. Of course sa una, enjoy kami eh. Free food!! Kadugayan, daw nag iba na man si Koya. Mag loan daw sya 200 thousand para magpakasal. Ambot sin o iya pakaslan. Sus na lang, may groceries pa kami kis a. Kung kis a magkadto sa boarding house bisan tig tulog na. Sus tawon, nagkabuang kami sang cover sang tanan nga buslot sang wall para lang dulom tan awon sa gawas ang amon boarding house. Daw nabuang man to sya uy. Wala ko kabalo nga amo gid to sya ka interesado. Luod! Mayad na lang, nagbalhin na kami sa Wellspring kaya problem solved. Even his intentions were different, I am still thankful for the goodies he brought to us. Nakatipid kami!

Up to this time, I am still thankful how Blanco family helped me get through life during college days. Mrs. Blanco is the most generous person I know. Aside from good bonus, snacks, and gifts, their kids are smart which made my work easier. I am so proud of Dada, Anton, and Bidoy. They are all professional now. They made me feel old.

No matter how hard life is, if you believe in God, he will send you someone to help you. To me, the Blancos were sent by God to help me pass those hard times.

20/09/2023

Mga friends, i invite you to read my story telling nga makahibi kamo, sa kaugot 🤣. Maremember mo gid tong mga may utang sa imo nga nagtago tago na.

The Dreamer- yes that’s me

16/10/2025

14/08/2024

13/08/2024

03/08/2024

02/08/2024

24/06/2024

17/03/2024

12/03/2024

04/03/2024

20/09/2023

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