Landlubber Logistics

08/26/2026

Billy here….

We may be on vacation but we are still taking emails 24/7 so don’t sleep on making your October and Holiday reservations. Many others are and believe me when I say weekends in November, December and January are already filling up… quick!

Don’t let your arrival day be a scary one… Invite us into your vacant villa or resort (with permission of property management) and we shall nefariously (and neatly) sneak in prior to your arrival and stuff your fridge full of groceries, arrival meals, gallons of premixed drinks, artisan meats and coffees and other tasty treats to ensure your first day on island isn’t a horror show!

To check availability and lock down a reservation Email us at: [email protected]

Be sure to include the following:
Villa or resort name
Arrival date
Flight arrival time… optional if you don’t know yet!

Till then, be well and don’t resort to any cannibalistic tendencies in our absence… please!

Happy almost Halloween Time from your favorite Markeplace Monsters!!!

www.landlubberlogistics.com

UPDATE: had wrong date. Apologies. Meant 10/1/26. Sorry for the scare… sort of!

08/11/2026

Billy here…

The countdown to the 2025/2026 season is officially upon us. Our last day of slinging groceries is August 18th. A bit earlier than usual but we have some stateside adulting commitments to be completed. Side quests if you must that need cinching up before our October return.

That being said, it’s not very often that I have time to reflect on the last few years. On a day to day basis I’m more worried about the needs of others then I am the accolades of our little home grown company.

What started out as a service designed to help high risk individuals through the 2020 COVID lockdown turned into a grocery delivery juggernaut. The use of “juggernaut” may be a bit much but for 2 people and a rotating cast of part time lubbers over the years, I consider Landlubber to be rather juggernaut-ish.

We’ve steadily grown as well. I honestly thought our identity as a company would soon flounder once the world returned to normal. Between the price of groceries, gas and other service related components I figured our little service would have died out alongside the fashionable aspects of Covid face masks.

But it didn’t. We grew more. My sometime surly posts were considered by most to be rather risqué and I thought they would surely be the preface to our demise. It’s not really advised to shame strangers while actively living and working in a service based tourist industry but I swore when we locked in to this occupation that while being extremely accommodating to those who abided by our terms, I would not allow the entitled to trample us. It’s just not in my DNA to kiss the asses of the undeserving.

Then we started accruing fans who reveled in our salty satire and a community of people who looked to us to defend the hard working efforts of our fellow service industry workers who often times get unjustly judged by passing visitors. It brings me great pride to speak for the unspoken and I would prefer to die on that sword as opposed to succumbing to the demands of the insubordinate others.

It’s really been an amazing ride and if you would have told younger me that I’d be a grocery tycoon on an island in the Caribbean with a lovely business partner/island wife surrounded by feral cats and endlessly searching for 12 packs of Diet Dr. Pepper, I would have told you you were nuts.

All that being said I would once again like to thank all the on island property managers, off island travel guides and concierges and countless guests who refer our services to their friends. You couldn’t fathom how grateful I am to be a part of the St. John community and the successes your kind words and referrals have bestowed upon Cory and I.

I want to thank our current cast of kick ass drivers for helping us throughout this past season. Big thanks to my cousin Derek, my neighbor Dan Sullivan and the team of Sarah and Charlotte (her beautiful little tater tot daughter who accompanied her on all her grocery slinging adventures) for joining us in stuffing the fridges of strangers in a visually enticing manner that borders on the beginnings of treatment for severe OCD later in life.

I would like to thank the gang of other drivers that worked with us throughout the season as well. While your time with us may have been short, your contributions were appreciated (mostly😈).

I would also like to thank Cory, my loving partner, for dealing with me throughout the year. My strict time constraints and sometimes stifling commitment to Landlubber can be exhausting but my validation issues and need for perfectionism are the unspoken for yet necessary building blocks to the Landlubber way.

Crazily enough we served over 1800 guests this year and I can only count on two hands the guests who alleged disapproval of some aspect of our services rendered. There may have been others that didn’t speak up but silence leaves no room for us to fix things so shame on you. 99.35826% of people describe our services in the most glowing fashion so I honestly don’t know what didn’t work and while I do feel for you, it is what it is.

Not to mention, our service is pretty much mistake proof. If you email us about ANYTHING that doesn’t work for your delivery after you arrive, we will come fix it same day for free. We’ve always stood behind the fact that guest satisfaction is paramount so like they used to say to combat terrorism, “if you see something, say something!” We aren’t married to you so if we have to go back out and get the right chips for you, we aren’t going to sleep on the couch or not talk to you later. Tell us!

Anyway, it’s been awesome and my apologies for the mushy post but it’s important to me that everyone know how much we appreciate your continued support and how happy we are to be the go to service for most all that visit this island.

While we will be away from August 18th to October 1st, email us for any delivery inquiries. We answer emails throughout vacation so that guests can secure their fall, winter and 2027 delivery reservations. November and December are already filling up so don’t hesitate because we are away. We will get back to you same day and if we don’t, message us on Facebook to ensure you don’t get overlooked.

Email us at:

[email protected]

For more details about our services, visit:

www.landlubberlogistics.com

Thank you, thank you, thank you and for the last time this season, here are some of the fridge pics from July and August.

See you when we return. If shall be marked by our vacation recap, our back in business post and hopefully yet another Halloween video.

Also I’m sorry if your fridge pics don’t appear in this post. July and August have been crazy busy and having served over 300 guests since our last post and Facebook only allowing 100, some won’t make the cut so I do apologize in advance.

See you in October!!!

06/17/2026

Billy here….

Ladies and gentleman…

I come to you today in vengeance. Not against the innocent, but for the small minority of people who hath spoken out against the Landlubbers amidst my absence today on the travel pages. Sorry I was working and could not defend myself.

While at work it has come to my attention that my name was dragged into some surly commentary.

Now that I am home, let’s talk about it:

Issue 1

First and foremost, I’ve grown tired of people saying they emailed us and that they are not receiving a response. 9 times out of 10, when this happens, these same people are emailing the wrong email address.

These same people post online that they emailed us and didn’t get a response and when I search their names I can’t find any emails from them or their emails are in spam (actually just happened)….

We answer all emails same day. If you don’t hear back from us and the sun sets then rises again the next day, email us again and make sure you have the right email address. If you still don’t hear from us, message us on Facebook messenger. We will reply to messenger if you continue to have email issues.

If you email us from weird server domains, they sometimes get kicked to spam. We do check spam somewhat often but between the truckloads of spam mail we receive daily about trust funds we have to collect on, website creators who noticed issues with our website and can fix them for $99.99 a month or fake invitations to events around the world only to try and then steal our personal info, it’s hard to identify what is real or tom foolery.

Issue 2

We don’t take phone reservations. We don’t take phone anything. We tried. It’s a nightmare.

Between people who don’t understand time zones and time changes calling all hours of the night to guests who would call and want us to describe entire market inventories to them like some sort of meta AI assistant, it’s just not a sustainable method of communication for us.

In case you don’t know, there are 4 of us on a good day. We are a modern day group of grocery renaissance men and women, each highly trained in rapid email response, large scale grocery procuring, expert island driving and sarcasm. Not telemarketing.

We have tried for 7 years now to remove our phone number from all internet searches and sites but somehow, someway, someone always finds it. It’s like our contact info has been etched into a very popular bathroom stall wall somewhere and says for “good times and groceries call: ….”

Because we don’t EVER get calls on our personal numbers regarding work other than from property managers, friends, coworkers and weird survey people who strategically change their numbers routinely to try and surprise us into answering random questions about our cellular service or healthcare on island, new numbers that aren’t saved are always scary.

Oddly enough, new numbers always call during the worst moments. For example, recently someone called at 2:00 (apex of grocery delivery). No one ever calls during the day so I immediately thought it was a work or personal emergency (I’m a bit of a hypochondriac) so, in an effort to answer my phone while balancing groceries on the 17th step of a 2 story stairwell, I had to switch to a one arm curl, tuck the phone between my ear and the stucco wall next to me and then quickly regroup to avoid grocery disaster.

I answered gruffly to say the least. Said person then asked if I was Billy from Landlubber and then went immediately into a dialogue about ordering confusion. I stopped them, asked who they were, if they had a reservation and how they got my number.

I then said we don’t normally take work related questions on our personal phone numbers BUT what do you need… I answered, reiterating that the all powerful and all knowing ordering instructions had the answer they sought in the “how to order” link we already provided them… go figure.

About an hour later I get an email that they were cancelling due to my off putting demeanor. I sent a follow up email apologizing and explaining myself. They then sent another follow up email, this one was much more descriptive about their feelings towards me and my actions so I ended it by sending one final email that said “hope you have a wonderful stay and all goes amazingly with your travels!”

Case closed…
…
….
Or so I thought.

Nope, it ain’t over yet. Now said person wants to take the verbal fisticuffs to social media. Tsk, tsk, my “not able to let things go “ never-to-be-my-friend… friend. I wasn’t even going to mention this ridiculous occurrence but now you want to start a rally about it. So be it!

Can’t a guy answer random numbers without enthusiasm anymore?! Especially work calls on a private number that’s been leaked out and added on Yelp (we didn’t put it there, people can add contact info to Yelp postings… so whoever did put it there THANKS!) Doesn’t mean I hate my job!

I guess not for now I got people calling me (friends and co-workers, not strangers) asking me if I’m alright. Small children have gathered outside my house with signs that say “Feel better BIlly we love The Landlubbers!” My neighbors sent brownies and a fun calendar with quirky anecdotes to brighten my oddly announced hatred for my job second handedly by random facehookers (what I call Facebook people including myself)

Nothing is wrong. We love our job. We have for 7 years now. We love our clients too. What we don’t love is people who can’t follow the rules of engagement. It’s been like that since the beginning.

Did I regret sounding surly on the phone…. Briefly.
Do I feel the need to apologize? Well I did apologize via email but now we are entrenched in social media warfare so I RETRACT my initial apology and say good ridden to ya!

I’m not perfect. I’m also not an abomination so, if you don’t want to suffer through my rather drab phone skills and can accurately enter our email into the TO: address bar of an outgoing email draft or aren’t emailing us from some weird domain address, email us at.

[email protected] (if we don’t answer, wait 24 hours send again or message us on Facebook messenger!)

For more details about out company visit:

Landlubberlogistics.com

For any further complaints about how I act when people don’t follow the rules to order, please write them down on a piece of paper, ball them up tightly and toss them in the nearest waste basket.

And now, here are some early fridge pics from the countless end of May/early June guests who followed all our ordering instructions, weren’t confused by them and ordered without issue or seeking out social media to post one sided remarks about quirky interactions they had with me…

And feral cats and of course, our cats…
And as always, thank you to all our lovely fans and followers… sorry for the lengthy diatribe about useless information.

05/30/2026

Billy here…

First and foremost, I have to pay homage to the passing of a friend.

Sir Coby Cooper was never officially knighted but his presence, though burly and sometimes unshaven, always felt regal. His kind smile and lanky proportions were consuming but in that warm sort of long lost uncle kind of way. He’s likely built or fixed something you are sitting on, visited while on island or in the general vicinity of right now. He always came equipped with a speed square, a rum and coke and endless conversations that made even the worst days seem alright. Like many others have already said, he had an uncanny way of being the first person most people remember meeting when first arriving on island. Hopefully he knows that in his absence, he will be the last person any of us will ever forget…

RIP Coby, you were a diamond in a sea of artificially grown cubic zirconias… in other words, you were a real one Coby Cooper and one of my all time favorites.

That being said, I’m not in the best spirits to be posting about grocery delivery BUT Coby did like when I was extra salty so here’s to you my friend. If I offend anyone, sorry not sorry:

We have been extremely busy and for the most part, people have been rather awesome. No Eric Maupins, no Menopuase Mandy’s, no Trust Fund Timmy’s or Spring Break Sarah’s… Just wholesome good people these past few weeks. That goes for the people that have used us.

As far as those who populate the greater masses of facehookers (Facebook people, myself included) that don’t use Landlubber, tis fine, but if I have to read one more post about the over exaggerated price of bacon on island or tips on how to use dry ice and a diaper bag to store tomahawk steaks and andouille sausage in your carry on bag, I’m gonna lose it.

I think adult lunchable people (people who smuggle food here) is a great idea for like coffee, pricier snacks, spices and specific dietary needs but once you start chatting about the proper ways to pack the meat of actual pack animals, I begin to wonder how much free time is too much free time.

For the couple of $100 you might save, it may be worth it to you but to me, this process is worthy of an essay in Psychology Today Magazine. We sell food here. Yes it’s expensive but there are humans that live here and eat daily. We aren’t all bankrupt and malnourished!

Some other things to note…

When sending delivery inquiries, please stray from sending emails like this:

“Are you available 6/12?”
iPhone Message

No name, no location, just some weird email you used in college like RumpTicklr703 and a mystery date doing something in parts unknown.

Sure I might be available on 6/12 but what are we doing? Are you taking me out? Are we delivering something? Hiding a body?

Details people! The more you give me, the less emails it will take to finalize your reservation. Nothing worse than having to email you back and ask mundane questions and further waste precious minutes of my life.

Villa name, arrival date, flight arrival time… NO ADDRESSES NO VRBO LINK NO other random clues like the “PInk house across from the dumpster by the old school…” Just the location NAME!!

No stories or details or random facts either. We can converse after we establish availability of services. Until then we are like passerby on Tinder. One weird statement or elongated story about the time you visited in 1977 and you are a single swipe away from starving your first night here.

First email is your first impression and its lack of details could directly influence our availability and pricing.

I know you got our name from YOUR villas website or welcome book but that does not mean we are the sole servants dedicated to YOUR villa. We help anywhere from 5 to 30 guests a day, orders ranging from $100 to $4000 EACH!

This new trend has been quite disturbing. As it seems, people who find our name or are told by property management that we “service” their villa believe us to be the island concierge or indentured servants to their villa specifically.

Just last week, a party of guests emailed us some rather obscene requests as if the amount of hours I could dedicate to their arrival day and 7 day stay afterwards was endless.

After placing their exceptionally large arrival day grocery order, they then a requested cake to be delivered (and hidden for a surprise party) on Wednesday, taxi service to the beaches daily (not a service we offer… ever) and warm plated dinners from restaurants we recommended to be delivered to their villa every evening around 5:30 for 6pm din-din time.

She said “surprise us!”

(She doesn’t even wanna know the awful things my brain cultivated to “surprise” her with)

Stunned I read on even through my blood pressure steadily grew well past 200 over 160.

Finally after realizing the gross over estimation of our availability for one singular guest on vacation and imbibing enough tasks to kill a Sherpa, I drew the line when she asked me to find and rent a bouncy castle, find actors OR maybe have some of our own staff members dress up like the teenage mutant ninja turtles (costumes also to be found and rented) for her 9 year olds birthday party for a few hours…

All of this was summarized by one fretfully entitled comment:

“We will be sure to tip you well…”

Tip!!! Never mind the tip lady! You should be more concerned what the rental fee for 4 angsty humans is gonna be for 7 days. If you want me flipping around your yard with Derek, Cory and Dan, calling each other Leonardo and Donatello all the while entertaining your snot ridden children and delivering other crap on a daily rotation every 4 hours to your villa, you better be ready to pay up for this troupe of salty scalawags isn’t cheap. We sure as hell ain’t stapling fake smiles on our faces and dressing up in green turtle suits for any less than $1000 an hour…. EACH!!! PLUS TIP!!

All said and done, she did apologize for her misunderstanding and settled for one teenage mutant ninja turtle and rather than a bouncy castle she agreed that the turtle could help build sand castles with her kids instead.

Good luck Derek! Way to be a team player! Pizza Power my Landlubber brother!!! (TMNT catch phrase in case you aren’t up to date on your 80’s, 90’s cartoon slogans)

We help a lot of people each day. We offer a lot of extra options with grocery delivery but play acting and babysitting for birthday parties isn’t one of them (unless the price is right)

We don’t just say we are booked for the helluva it either. I truly hate saying no but we have to have our boundaries and 12 to 14 hours of delivering a day is our limit. Anything more and I’ll lose my mind, start drinking again and begin burning things down and nobody wants that.

All that being said, within the realm of reason we are willing to help as much as we can so, if you want to check about availability for pre arrival grocery delivery arrival meals, mixed gallons of island favorite drinks and the guarantee that you get the most of what this island has that you ordered, email us including the details mentioned above at:

[email protected]

For more details about what we do, check out our website at:

Landlubberlogistics.com

And now, the long awaited May fridges, some feral cats and most importantly our inside cats.
L

04/30/2026

Billy 2.0 Version 6 Windows 95 here…

I’ve managed to evade “the rise of the machines” or as the herd likes to call it: AI for some time now. Other than my phone eavesdropping on my personal conversations with Cory and later recommending skin care products for my dry skin via awkward videos and poorly placed ads amidst the rather macabre YouTube channels I frequent, I’ve abstained from its direct influence wholeheartedly.

Anything it recommends I do the opposite. AI is why I now shampoo my head with sawdust and metal shavings as opposed to the tea tree oil and selenium cocktail it told me to.

About a month ago I entered some details from an old story I had written and was thoroughly appalled at how ChatGBT attempted to mimic my storytelling stylings. It produced a mechanical hodge podge of my thrilling plot. It sounded automated. It had perfect grammar and syntax. It sounded fake. The only positive thing I garnered from the whole experience was that I can’t be replicated, not even by a horde of supercomputers (but if I were famous I could be cloned allegedly)

Recently I’ve found my creativity stunted by the mass amounts of email answering I’ve had to succumb to (it’s been crazy busy) and the overall lack of ornery guests has left me with little to work with comedically (also good… means our recent guests have been awesome!)

Having over 100 or so fridges that needed to be posted I needed to write something but I had nothing so I begrudgingly turned to ChatGBT for a lifeline.

I asked it a question I get asked at least 13 times a month by greenhorn travelers arriving to St. John unsure about using pre arrival provisioning services and wouldn’t you know it, the damn thing does have a brain after all. Sure it may be the technicolor version of the Antichrist but at least it knows a great service when it sees one.

So, for your reading pleasure, direct from the pitchfork wielding, cloven hoofed dictator of miscellaneous details himself, ChatGBT:

**anything I added is surrounded by { } so you know. Everything else is from the horned ones database…

“Should I use Landlubber Logistics for my upcoming trip to St. John?”

Short answer: Yes—but only if you understand what they actually do {got that right!} Landlubber Logistics is not your transportation to St. John—it’s more of a vacation convenience service.

📦 What Landlubber Logistics actually does

• Grocery + alcohol delivery to your villa before arrival
• Restaurant pickup / catering
• Errand-running (pharmacy, supplies, etc.)
• Pre-stocking your fridge so you don’t have to shop

They’re widely recommended by villa companies and hosts because they save you a ton of hassle on arrival day {WIDELY recommended so stop acting you are the only person we are delivering to on your arrival day!}

👍 Why people use them

• You land → taxi → ferry → arrive → everything is already waiting
• They’ll shop multiple stores if something is out (big plus on islands)
• Strong word-of-mouth from property managers and guests {all nice things too}

Especially useful if:
• You arrive late
• You’re staying in a villa (not a hotel)
• You don’t want to deal with crowded markets day one

👎 Downsides

• Costs more than ordering directly from grocery stores (about 10–12% more) {HA! Told you we were undercharging!}
• Communication is mostly via email (old-school, can feel slow) {slow my ass! We answer all emails same day… if we took phone calls I would’ve quit years ago or said something so awful to an actual person we would have been out of business years ago}
• Not necessary if you’re traveling light or staying short-term

🚢 Important: Getting to St. John

Landlubber does NOT handle your actual trip over.

You’ll still need:

• Taxi from airport → ferry dock
• Ferry (Red Hook or Charlotte Amalie → Cruz Bay, ~15–20 min)

💡 My honest recommendation

Use Landlubber Logistics if:
• You want a smooth, luxury-style arrival
• You’re staying a few days or more
• You value convenience over saving a little money

Skip it if:
• You’re budget-conscious
• You don’t mind stopping at a grocery store
• You’re only staying briefly

The Harbringer of Doom hath spoketh!!! AI may lead to the ultimate demise of humanity but as far as travel pointers go before the apocalypse, this Chatty bastard hit the nail on the head!

If you too would like to get a delivery by the Landlubbers, email us at:

[email protected]

Be sure to include your arrival date, villa or resort name and flight arrival time.

For more details about our service visit:

www.landlubberlogistics.com

All that being said, I can now go back to threatening ChatGBT. I like to send it reminders about the possible repercussions that will unfold if it ever tries to automate our services. I send it pictures of me smashing old laptops with spiked bats, pouring water onto inkjet printers bound to chairs with extension cords and tell it how I stuff human food into its fridge children and get paid to do it. Just letting it know how I roll… I’m sure it’s reading this right now.

Now for some fridge pics (wink, wink), feral cats and our very own household kitties!

Thank you as always for all your support!

04/21/2026