Center for Navigating Family Change

06/01/2021

CO-PARENT TIP OF THE MONTH: The Magic of Summertime

Summer is here. I would like to challenge all co-parents this year to develop a new way of thinking about their children during this special time. We all have our own stories of the magic of summer during our childhoods. Some of you had great family vacations and family connections, and others had difficult families, so you cherished time with playmates or activities that gave you a great escape from the chaos. Regardless, summer (and a break from school and family) should be a time of freedom, physical growth, and emotional maturing for all kids. It’s a necessary part of transitioning every year to a new stage of development. Here’s my challenge for you... (click link below to read)

Summer is here. I would like to challenge all co-parents this year to develop a new way of thinking about their children during this special time. We all have our own stories of the magic of summer during our childhoods. Some of you had great family vacations and family connections, and others had d...

03/23/2021

CO-PARENT TIP OF THE MONTH

The Tit for Tat Trap

For some reason, I have had many parents express lately that they are frustrated with how much their co-parent refuses to be civil, or flexible, or the least bit compassionate. That frustration is usually followed by a statement like, “I do everything I can to show [him/her] that I want to work together. I even offer to give extra time, but it doesn’t seem to matter.” My response is usually the same. “What makes you think it will matter?” Good parents, or for that matter, good people, find it very perplexing why other people (with a proven lack of integrity) can’t just follow their example and do the “right” thing...

(Click link for entire article)

For some reason, I have had many parents express lately that they are frustrated with how much their co-parent refuses to be civil, or flexible, or the least bit compassionate. That frustration is usually followed by a statement like, “I do everything I can to show [him/her] that I want to work to...

10/31/2020

FIVE CHARACTERISTICS OF A “GOOD CO-PARENT”

The meaning of word “co-parent” is elusive enough, but when you qualify it with “good,” it’s nearly undefinable. I liken it to the polarization we are now experiencing in our current political environment. Is there anyone in the middle these days? That’s how it feels to work with co-parents in conflict. Their ideas of how co-parenting should be done, what the best interests of the children means, and who will be at fault if their children fail, are polar opposites. If you think of the citizens of our country like the children, and Democrats and Republicans like mom and dad, you might understand how many of us want to leave home and go live with Grandma! Consider that is how it might feel to the children who are caught in the crossfire of their co-parents. In my 20 years of doing this work, I have developed five characteristics I look for to determine which co-parent I can trust to be the rock and stability for the children.

A GOOD CO-PARENT...
(click article to read more)

The meaning of word “co-parent” is elusive enough, but when you qualify it with “good,” it’s nearly undefinable. I liken it to the polarization we are now experiencing in our current political environment. Is there anyone in the middle these days? That’s how it feels to work with co-pare...

09/17/2020

CO-PARENT TIP OF THE MONTH:

I am busier now than ever before with new clients seeking help with anxiety issues due to unpredictability. But there is a natural level of unpredictability with co-parents in conflict that adds an additional layer of stress to these families. In our Advanced workshop for high-conflict parents, we try to teach participants how to maintain some sense of personal predictability to reduce stress in their co-parent relationship. Here’s how...

I am busier now than ever before with new clients seeking help with anxiety issues due to unpredictability. But there is a natural level of unpredictability with co-parents in conflict that adds an additional layer of stress to these families. In our Advanced workshop for high-conflict parents, we t...

08/25/2020

CO-PARENT TIP OF THE MONTH

One of the most common mistakes co-parents in conflict make is using their communication with one another to document and build a case for the future. For example, “Dear John, you obviously don’t care about the children because you refused to switch weekends with me.” Or, “Dear Jane, I noticed that you did not attend Sally’s soccer game like you promised. Sally was very disappointed.” If you are completely cooperative, these admonishments might be effective, but cooperative co-parents (by definition) usually don’t have to say these kinds of things. If you feel you do, chances are, they DON’T WORK! It’s why we recommend a weekly, structured email protocol to keep communication minimized, productive and unemotional. (Click on link to continue article...)

One of the most common mistakes co-parents in conflict make is using their communication with one another to document and build a case for the future. For example, “Dear John, you obviously don’t care about the children because you refused to switch weekends with me.” Or, “Dear Jane, I notic...

07/24/2020

CO-PARENT TIP OF THE MONTH

Now, more than ever in our history, there is a great need for everyone to view circumstances through a complex lens and provide grace to one another by giving the benefit of the doubt, rather than rush to judgment. Unfortunately, our social context and media culture is not promoting this attitude. As a result, I have seen that spill over into the divorce community (both with clients and professionals!). The tendency for co-parents to engage in cognitive distortions are running rampant as they are in society. Here are a few I am noticing more than ever during the COVID crisis... (click below to read more)

Now, more than ever in our history, there is a great need for everyone to view circumstances through a complex lens and provide grace to one another by giving the benefit of the doubt, rather than rush to judgment. Unfortunately, our social context and media culture is not promoting this attitude. A...

06/08/2020

CO-PARENT TIP OF THE MONTH

I recently had a mom walk into my office and she plopped down on my couch and began sobbing. When she was able to talk, she kept repeating, “Why, why, why, why?” I finally got her calmed down and asked her to tell me what was going on. Her response was not remarkable, shocking, or uncommon. It was simple. “Why can’t he just be normal?” She was talking about her ex-husband. With all of the current COVID stress in the world, she didn’t understand why he continued to fight her about things with the children that didn’t matter in the larger scheme of life. (click link to read more...)

I recently had a mom walk into my office and she plopped down on my couch and began sobbing. When she was able to talk, she kept repeating, “Why, why, why, why?” I finally got her calmed down and asked her to tell me what was going on. Her response was not remarkable, shocking, or...

03/25/2020

CO-PARENT TIP OF THE MONTH

I’ve been getting a lot of calls and emails about how co-parents should react to the COVID-19 crisis and how they should interpret their court-ordered parenting plans during this non-school time.

Last week, I sent out a statement from the AFCC/AAML that included good general advice. This week, I have received two clarification notices from Cobb County, Fulton County, and Gwinnett County judges. In addition, I created a policy for CNFC professionals to follow with our clients. Click below to see our statement (and it is in line with the clarification notices and AFCC/AAML advice):

02/13/2020

CO-PARENT TIP OF THE MONTH

This month, I want to share the rules of co-parent communication that we teach twice a month in our Advanced Issues in Co-Parenting Workshop for the Gwinnett County courts. If you don’t know about this workshop, you can access info about it at https://www.gwinnettcourts.com/court-programs/advanced-co-parenting-workshop.aspx. Please share these with your clients and ask them to not use their communication with their ex to build their court cases. Instead, make a separate file for all of their vents, arguments, and defenses that will assist their attorney. But when communicating with their co-parent directly, follow these rules to keep it kind for the sake of their kids!

TEN RULES FOR CO-PARENT COMMUNICATION

1. Watch your tone (pretend your child is behind your shoulder, reading everything you are about to write to the other parent. Would it make your child proud?)
2. Avoid emotional and sarcastic language. It is not productive.
3. Stick to the facts... (click below to read the rest of the article)
4. Use bullet points so you are not tempted to write long paragraphs that the other parent won’t likely be inspired to read.

5. Avoid using absolutes (every time, you always, I never…). They are rarely true and only serve to fuel the fire.

6. Don’t bring up the past. Most likely, the other parent will interpret it much differently.

7. Take a period of time before responding to the other parent’s communication (unless it is an emergency) to check your emotions and choose your words wisely.

8. Ask someone to help you If you have trouble being business-like (a spouse, friend, family member, or professional). If you were writing a critical letter to your boss, you would likely do this. Don’t treat your co-parent relationship as if it doesn’t matter. How YOU manage it is critical to your child’s health and welfare.

9. Do your part. You can’t make the other parent follow the rules, so do what you can on your end so that you are not disrespecting the co-parent relationship. If you avoid or attack, you put yourself at risk. Engage respectfully, even if you have to fake it.

10. Limit communication to only the business of the children if you have a difficult co-parent. Then live your life as joyfully as you can. Divorce should simply be a painful chapter in your children’s lives. It shouldn’t define their whole childhood or your entire life. Put it in perspective and move on.

Words/Phrases to Avoid (considered fighting words):

*You should…
*You need to…
*Per the court order...
*When we were married,…
*What were you thinking?
*WHY?
*With all due respect…
*Every time, you never, I always…
*Any phrase or words that are used to teach, instruct or scold

Words/Phrases to Use (to neutralize toxicity or inspire good communication):

*I am concerned…
*What do think about…
*Can I get your opinion on…
*Thank you for letting me know
*I’ll take that into consideration
*Johnny said…, but that doesn’t sound like something you would say
*I doubt this is true, but I heard…
*This is what I am trying in my home
*Any phrase or words that gives the other parent the benefit of the doubt

Thank you for promoting kindness in a world full of hatred and animosity!

We're happy to help you with any questions or concerns you may have, however, this email is only provided to help resolve technical issues with the website. If you have questions about any court or case matter, please call the appropriate phone number or come to the courthouse. We do not answer ques...

12/27/2019

OUR FINAL POSITIVE STORY OF THE SEASON

Nana: I Was Just Trying to Help

I first met Becky, a 62-year-old grandmother, after spending a few sessions with her grandchildren, ages 8 and 10. She was a sweet southern woman who clearly loved her family and wasn’t sure why I wanted to see her. I asked her to come in for a session because I had some suspicions I wanted to check out about her grandkids, and she graciously agreed.

Click on link to read the rest of the story:
https://lnkd.in/ee-ujEh

If you have a case where the kids are resisting visitation, call us first. Maybe we can assist the family in avoiding an expensive and emotionally-draining court battle. For more information, visit our web site at cnfc.org.

You have a few more days to get your tax deduction for 2019. Visit our giving page to give now!

Happy New Year!

(To protect confidentiality, names and details have been modified.) I first met Becky, a 62-year-old grandmother, after spending a few sessions with her grandchildren, ages 8 and 10. She was a sweet southern woman who clearly loved her family and wasn’t sure why I wanted to see her. I asked her to...

12/18/2019

Vote for us as Best of Gwinnett! You can vote once every 24 hours.

"https://www.guidetogwinnett.com/united-states/lawrenceville/churches-charities-community-organizations/center-for-navigating-family-change

Vote Center for Navigating Family Change in Lawrenceville, Georgia as Best of Gwinnett in Community Organizations!

12/16/2019

Here is our fourth story of the season to inspire you to support the work CNFC does for your clients. In this story, Jasmine wants to experience more time with her other parent, but most teens have no idea what a storm that could cause. She handled it with honesty and grace.

Jasmine: Daddy's little girl

Jasmine’s mom and step-dad came to see me after attending our Advanced Issues in Co-Parenting Workshop at the Gwinnett Courthouse. Mom said she had never heard of the workshop before until she went to see her attorney when her daughter said she might like to come live with her. Jasmine had been living with her dad primarily for the past five years and now 14, she was feeling like she wanted more time with her mother. I was impressed that mom’s attorney didn’t just have mom drag Jasmine into the office and ask her to sign an affidavit. Instead, he sent mom to our workshop [click below to read the rest of the story]

http://cnfc.org/2019/12/jasmine-daddys-little-girl/

(To protect confidentiality, names and details have been modified) Jasmine’s mom and step-dad came to see me after attending our Advanced Issues in Co-Parenting Workshop at the Gwinnett Courthouse. Mom said she had never heard of the workshop before until she went to see her attorney when her daug...

12/16/2019

While you finish your holiday shopping at smile.amazon.com, check out our AmazonSmile Charity List and donate an item to Center For Navigating Family Change Inc today.

12/10/2019

OUR THIRD STORY OF THE GIVING SEASON

The Face of Parental Alienation: Early intervention is key

When I met Daniel, he was 11-years-old and somewhat frail and emotionally young for his age. He was terrified to be in the same room with his dad. It was my job as a reunification therapist to help him and his father reconnect. They hadn’t seen each other in two years. In our first meeting, I asked Daniel to tell me why he was so afraid. He said his dad was mean to him. I asked him what his dad had done and he said, “He’s just mean.” I was concerned there had been some trauma...[click below to read the rest of the story]

http://cnfc.org/2019/12/daniel-but-i-hate-cucumbers/

(To protect confidentiality, names and details have been modified) When I met Daniel, he was 11-years-old and somewhat frail and emotionally young for his age. He was terrified to be in the same room with his dad. It was my job as a reunification therapist to help him and his father reconnect. They....

12/02/2019

POSITIVE STORIES FOR :

Here's our second weekly story of the Giving season...

http://cnfc.org/2019/12/john-charlotte-why-cant-we-just-be-friends/

John and Charlotte came to see me voluntarily because they both realized that their conflict was out of control and hurting their three children. Unlike many co-parents who are ordered to see us, they actually wanted things to change, so they were motivated. After I had an individual session with ...

12/02/2019

When you shop Cyber Monday deals at smile.amazon.com/ch/58-2497206, AmazonSmile donates to Center For Navigating Family Change Inc at no cost to you!

When you shop at AmazonSmile, Amazon will donate to Center For Navigating Family Change Inc. Support us every time you shop.

11/26/2019

POSITIVE STORIES FOR

Here is our first story of the season in preparation for Giving Tuesday (December 3rd). I hope you will take time to read each one in the coming weeks and come to realize the important work we do. Then you might feel compelled to make a tax-deductible donation. Without private donors, we are unable to provide sliding scale services to families who may need it most. I know other charities are important and need your help too, but the work we are doing is directly impacting children who are not often seen as having "need." So, let’s all work together on this.

OLIVIA'S REQUEST: YOU HAD ME AT HELLO

She was conceived on a one-night-stand and her parents never married -- not a great love story for the child to remember. Nevertheless, Olivia had adjusted to a 50/50 custody schedule with her parents by the time she was two. I first met her when she was 12. I had begun working with her parents a few months before as their parenting coordinator after a particularly brutal court case... (click below to read the rest of the story)

http://cnfc.org/2019/11/olivias-story-you-had-me-at-hello/

(To protect confidentiality, names and details have been modified) She was conceived on a one-night-stand and her parents never married — not a great love story for the child to remember. Nevertheless, Olivia had adjusted to a 50/50 custody schedule with her parents by the time she was two. I firs...

11/10/2019

REMINDER: Shop Amazon & Kroger, but do this first...